Prison Journal: Day 7,948
May 14, 2009
Twelve days ago, on May 3, I edited the first sample chapter I had written for Earning Freedom for the fourth time. I could tell from the reaction in Carole’s voice that she did not like it so much. I read it to a friend of mine here in the prison and he asked whether I would write more about my personal background in subsequent chapters. I told Justin that I did not intend on doing so, and I could see in his face that he would have liked to have read such details.
That Sunday morning, I went to my locker and pulled out some notes that Carol, one of my mentors had sent from a previous manuscript. In those notes, Carol called for the same details. I resisted her suggestions then and that led to my suspension of work on the manuscript.
On that morning of 3 May, however, I began to feel uneasy with the sample chapter. That was what prompted me to start again. This new version that I completed on Tuesday is much more personal. I tell the story in the first person, active tense. After completing the first draft, I felt grateful to my wife, to Justin, and to my mentor for inspiring me to write another version.
Since the new sample chapter is different, I also had to write an entirely new outline and book proposal. I began that work yesterday morning and after many hours of work, I’m glad to have finished it this evening. The best news is that both my wife and my friend Justin loved the new version, and I like it much better as well. Once Carole types it, I’ll edit it one time, then send the 70-page document to Carol, my mentor, for her reaction. I hope to submit the new proposal to Jim, the literary agent who represents my work, by the end of June.
With these new drafts of the sample chapter and proposal for Earning Freedom complete, I’m somewhat free until I receive typed pages back from Carole next week. She has told me over the phone that Joan Petersilia would like me to expand the chapter I wrote for her upcoming book and written instructions may come in tomorrow’s mail. George Cole, another mentor, has sent word through Carole that he would like me to write a chapter for his book, American Corrections, and I look forward to receiving more news on the conitrbutions I can make. My writing schedule will be full through the end of this year.
I began my work this morning at 2:37. At 6:00 I broke for my exercise. I ran 10 miles and followed with 300 pushups. My tally is now 1,357 miles over the past 153 consecutive days of running.
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,936
May 2, 2009
I’m in a new month now and that always brings thoughts about how many more must pass before I begin my life at home. People in society may think it foolish for me to obsess over time. I’m regularly contemplating how many months of imprisonment I have behind me and how many more I am scheduled to serve. The literature I read makes this an essential topic.
Today I expect to finish reading Professor Petersilia’s book When Prisoners Come Home. The academic book paints a disturbing picture about chances for success upon release. The potential for failure that awaits all prisoners really overwhelms me. This book provides statistics showing the percentage of employers who would never consider hiring an individual with a prison record, the number of landlords who would never rent to a former prisoner, the number of lenders who would never extend credit to a former prisoner. I’m always thinking about the challenges that await me.
According to my scheduled release date I have 51 months until my commitment to the Bureau of Prisons ends. With halfway house I will likely return to the community in about three years. Parole and prison reform legislation could advance my release date further.
In light of the challenges I expect to encounter, I must use the time I have remaining in the most productive manner possible. I began my work this morning at 3:15 with thoughts about how I want to emerge. Carole and I discuss these issues each week.
I need to work hard to secure another publishing deal so that I have a book that hits the market concurrently with my release. I expect to submit a proposal with sample chapters to the literary agent who represents my work before the summer’s end. Besides the book, I must continue to work toward building a stronger internet presence. My web presence ought to generate credibility, a stream of revenue, and a brand with thousands of pages of content that I can monetize upon release. Those components of my plan will help me launch a career as a speaker, consultant, author, teacher, publisher, and broadcaster upon release.
I also must nurture my marriage and stay in excellent physical condition. Today I ran 10 miles, boosting my tally to 1,243 miles in 141 days. I will not rest until I am home.
Saturday, 2 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,928
April 24, 2009
I’ve been reading from two books and a published paper on California’s prison system that Dr. Joan Petersilia wrote. She is a distinguihsed professor who publishes extensively on issues pertaining to crime and corrections. As I read these academic writings I remember my early years as a prisoner, and the reality of how much of my life has been lost to the prison system slams me in the head.
As I move through each passing day I feel strong and purposeful. This morning, I woke at 2:10 and I was writing at 2:19. I expected a visit, so I had to finish my writing goals and my exercise early. These incremental goals I set power me through each hour. Instead of dwelling on how many years must pass before release, I focus on the projects I want to complete, the exercise targets I want to reach, or the next time I will see my lovely Carole. Moving forward does not challenge my spirit as much as looking back.
When I read these descriptions that Dr. Petersilia writes about the corrections system, I cannot help but remember the day I first heard the guards locking the heavy steel door behind me. I remember sitting on that bench in that closet-sized room back in August of 1987. Nicotine residue stained the walls. The dank smell made me want to puke. I couldn’t really believe that I would sleep in a prison that night. Yet ever since then, I’ve slept in prisons every night. It exhausts me to look back, to think about how much time has passed.
I no longer feel as if I’m a real part of my extended family. The rules of prison prohibit me from having a normal relationship with them. I have one niece in college and another entering junior high school I think; they don’t know me and I don’t know them. My relationship with my two sisters feels distant despite my love for them both. I don’t know much about my mother’s life. My father died several years ago and I could not even attend the funeral. When I look back, I feel very much a prisoner.
These books force me to revisit and accept the costs of my imprisonment, though I feel as if I must read them in order to prepare for the challenges ahead. I hate to look back. The solution for me is looking forward, moving through each day to the completion of my next set of goals. Traffic problems caused Carole to postpone our visit until Sunday, so I now look forward to embracing her then.
I ran three miles, boosting my tally to 1,172 miles over the past 133 days.
Friday, 24 April 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,925
April 21, 2009
At 3:00 this morning, as I waited for officers to walk by my cubicle for a morning census count, I listened to an NPR broadcast reporting on Pesident Obama’s mandate to cut hundreds of millions in wasteful spending from the U.S. budget. That report inspired me to write a few blogs on the need for prison reform.
It really troubles me to read of how massively our nation’s prison population has grown. I feel a sense of duty and a responsibility, a calling, to influence others to support prison reform. I know that Americans do not generally think about imprisonment until it has a direct influence on their life, or happens when someone close to them is arrested. As a long-term prisoner, however, I can think of myriad ways that our dysfunctional prison system afflicts the life of every taxpaying American.
As I continue reading this wonderful book by Professor Joan Petersilia, I’m amazed at the statistical data. In When Prisoners Come Home, I read that our country incarcerated 196,000 people in 1970. Since then the incarceration rate has grown by more than 1,000 percent. the costs for incarcerating so many people have risen to upsetting levels. American taxpayers now spend well more than a billion dollars every week to isolate and punish offenders.
Where do those tax dollars to fund prison expenditures come from? According to the recently released Pew Report, those funds have been redirected from educational funding, health care funding, and funding for other social services. This year I heard news reports that funding was not available for college programs at California State University to the extent necessary; 10,000 university students could not work toward their degree as a consequence.
Prison spending hits every American, and much of it is unnecessary. I have served 22 years in this system, despite my having been ready to make significant contributions to society a decade ago. We need prison reforms to cut this ridiculous program that causes more harm than good to society. I will keep writing about the need for prison reform.
I ran 10 miles this morning, lifting my tally to 1,049 miles over the past 130 consecutive days.
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,923
April 19, 2009
I resumed work on the rewrite of the chapter for Professor Joan Petersilia at 2:20 this morning. By 7:30 I had completed the project. Had I been able to access a typewriter, I could have typed the document in a couple of hours at most. Prison has made me a fast typist, but the rules of Taft Camp prohibit using typewriters for personal work. Rewriting this chapter has taken about 10 hours, and I think I invested about 40 hours in total to create this first draft. I expect to invest another 40 hours to refine it before publication, though I’m grateful for the opportunity to make this contribution to prison reform.
In order to finish this chapter in five days, I adjusted my schedule. I’ve spent the majority of my writing time over the past two weeks writing projects that have a long lead times. The first project was the sample chapter for my next book proposal. The next project was this chapter draft for Professor Petersilia. As a consequence of this deliberate commitment to goals I set, I have had to sacrifice some of my blog writing energy. Tomorrow morning I intend to catch up by writing several blogs that I’ve been neglecting. It remains a goal of mine to keep readers informed about how I thrive through imprisonment. I hope they see that a key component of my prison adjustment has been setting goals and using them to guide me through each day. All of the goals work in harmony to advance the purpose of my life, which is to contribute to society and to prepare for a successful return.
Following my completion of the rewrite, I went outside to run 10 miles. That boosts my tally to 1129 miles over the past 128 consecutive days. I’m grateful that my body feels strong, without aches, despite the running without a break. I believe the exercise makes me stronger, healthier, wiser, and more disciplined. I intend to exercise every day of 2009, and to run without a day off for as long as I can.
Sunday, 19 April 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,922
April 18, 2009
At 2:22 this morning I resumed work on the chapter for Professor Petersilia. I wrote the first words for this chapter last Wednesday morning at 2:15, and today, at 7:15, I finished a first draft. Professor Petersilia asked me to write 7,000 words. Since I’ve written the chapter in longhand I don’t have an exact word count, though with 28 pages of about 250 words per page, I expect that I am within the range.
The reason writing this project has been so important to me is because I consider it a great privilege to publish alongside some of America’s leading penologists and academics. These types of projects expand my sphere of influence. Our country confines more than 2.3 million people, and I know that few Americans really understand the culture of confinement. The more I’m able to contribute to the literature, the more chances I have of debunking the myth that prisons only produce failure. I hope to influence prison reforms that will help more people emerge successfully, and I feel honored that Professor Petersilia opened this opportunity for me to contribute.
The title of the book Professor Petersilia is authoring is The Oxford Handbook of Sentencing and Corrections. Oxford is a distinguished academic press. I expect that many policy makers will rely upon Professor Petersilia’s book as a resource to guide their decisions, and I am glad they will have an opportunity to read about my prison adjustment. I hope to inspire those readers to promote prison reform.
Since I wrote the first draft of the chapter in longhand, I had to rewrite it neatly. I worked all day on the rewrite, though I only made it through page 12, which was not even halfway. Writing 7,000 words neatly on unlined paper takes time, though it was time well invested as it gave me an opportunity to make some initial edits. I intend to finish the rewrite tomorrow morning.
This morning I ran 10 miles and followed the run with 300 pushups. I weigh 174 pounds, which was the same weight I had when my prison term began in 1987. I feel blessed to have such good health, and I am convinced that regular exercise has contributed. Today marked my 127th day of continuous running without a beak, though I’ve been exercising steadily for 22 years. I now have 1,119 miles in my running tally.
Saturday, 18 April 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,921
April 17, 2009
This morning I resumed work on the chapter for Professor Joan Petersilia’s book at 1:55. It was my third day of writing for the chapter and I’ve made good progress. If my writing is as productive tomorrow, I ought to finish a first draft of the chapter.
The chapter provides a condensed view of the experiences I’ve had and the motivations that drove me through all the years I’ve served in prison. I’ve enjoyed writing this chapter as it forced me to remember my early years and how the prison adjustment changed after my first decade. I tremendously honored that Professor Petersilia invited me to contribute a chapter and I want the work to exceed her expectations.
I spoke with Carole last night on the phone and she told me that Professor Petersilia had sent her a message to make sure I understood the chapter was not due until March of 2010. I knew that I had a long lead time, but I also knew that as a prisoner, my life could change at any time. Part of my goal-oriented prison adjustment requires me to focus on completing goals as quickly as possible. That way I can move on to the next.
I describe the ways that goals have influenced my prison adjustment through this chapter I’m writing for Professor Petersilia. My hopes include the possibility that this chapter will provide evidence on the need for prison reform that will encourage more prisoners to embrace goals as an integral part of their prison adjustments.
As a consequence of the commitment I make to goals and completing them on time, I feel as if I always have something to strive toward. Each goal becomes a step on a ladder I have been building since 1987. This ladder has lifted me far from the depths of my imprisonment and I intend to continue climbing until I am home. Once release does come, I feel confident that the goals I have set will help me emerge with the strength I need to make a successful transition.
Today is my wife’s birthday. Carole turned 45, which is the same age as me. We were fortunate in that her birthday fell on a scheduled visiting day, so we were able to share it together. I feel that my release date is coming closer, and I stand hopeful that some change will surprise us, enabling us to begin our life together as a married couple. Living as a prison couple has been a blessing, but I am ready to return home, and home is with Carole.
Before my visit I ran three miles. That short run boosted my tally to 1,109 miles over the past 126 days.
Friday, 17 April 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,920
April 16, 2009
With an eagerness to complete this chapter I’m writing for Professor Joan Petersilia’s book, I woke this morning at 2:06. I had a productive writing session until 7:30 this morning. The sun was shining and I then walked to the track to begin my exercise. I ran 10 miles and followed the run with 400 pushups. My tally now stands at 1,106 miles over the past 125 days.
Following my exercise I returned to the quiet room and resumed work on the chapter. While writing, I heard a sad story. Another prisoner just returned to Taft Camp. He had been released from the camp about one year ago. Now he has returned with another year to serve because he violated the conditions of his supervised release.
The irony is that the man feels grateful for his return to prison. He was all smiles, shaking hands and hugging all the prisoners he knew from before he left. When he learned that the chow hall was serving pancakes for breakfast, he expressed elation.
When I later appraoched the man to confirm what I had heard about his joy at returning to Taft Camp, he greeted me with a hug. To gauge his reaction, I told him that I was sorry he had returned to prison. He told me it was the best for him. The recession has made the world unbearable, he said. He couldn’t gather the funds to rent an apartment, couldn’t find employment. Sometimes he went without food. One year at Taft Camp offered the respite he said that he wanted. When his lawyer was going to argue for six months, the man said he wanted the full year in prison.
I work hard preparing for the obstacles ahead because I’ve seen too many people return to prison. I feel sad for the man, and sad for society that operates a criminal justice system that releases 700,000 people each year, many of whom lack the skills and resources to function in society. I expect to play a role in changing such dismal realities. Prison reform can help.
This month has kept me busy with longer-term writing projects. Soon I will return to more extensive blogging.
Thursday, 16 April 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,919
April 15, 2009
At 2:15 this morning I began writing a chapter for Professor Joan Petersilia’s new book, Oxford Handbook on Sentencing and Corrections. I worked on the project enthusiastically, as I want to finish a draft of the chapter by next week. With discipline, that will not be a problem.
My responsibility is to write about living in prison. I will bring the reader through my various stages of confinement and describe the values that guided me. The other authors who are contributing chapters come from an academic or public-policy background. I feel honored to be the only prisoner contributing and I want to please Professor Petersilia with my contribution.
Following my morning writing session, I attended the TOAD program. We have a group of students from the local community scheduled to visit the prison this coming sunday. This morning we set the agenda on who would speak,what skits we would perform, and what messages we would convey regarding the importance of avoiding crime.
Following my TOAD meeting, I had to write a lengthy description of how the Toastmasters public speaking group conducts its sessions. I played an active role in bringing a Toastmasters speaking club to the penitentiary when I was held in Atlanta. My case manager asked me to describe how we ran our meetings, so I obliged her by writing out a six-page description.
Handing her the report I prepared led to a lengthy conversation. My case manager told me that she had received a request for some information pertaining to my case from the office of the U.S. Pardon Attorney. Nothing may come of the request, though I felt a bit of hope in knowing someone from the pardon attorney’s office might be reviewing my file. Still, I must stay grounded and continue this focus on my preparations for release.
I ran 10 miles early this morning, before the TOAD meeting. The new tally stands at 1,096 miles over the past 124 consecutive days.
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
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