Prison Journal: Day 8,120
November 2, 2009
This morning, as I was running around the track, I began thinking about my goals for 2010. We still have nearly two complete months to pass in 2009, but I’m in a state of limbo right now as I wait for word from St. Martin’s Press on whether the publisher will bring Earning Freedom to market. I expect an answer before the end of this year, and until I have it, I’ll refrain from starting anything new. The waiting gives
Prison Journal: Day 8,063
September 6, 2009
Some prisoners at Taft Camp don’t serve time as easily as I do. I feel sorry for Richard, an older man who serves a seven-year sentence. He’s been in this camp for about one year, and it looks as if he’s aged 10 years. He stoops when he walks, he leaves his hair and face disheveled, he sleeps in the same clothes that he wears all day.
I know that prison separates us from family, career, and community, but we have a responsibility to use our time wisely. It’s a sin to wither away. I’ve suggested to Richard that he should set goals, any kind of goals. He could set a reading goal, a walking goal, a hobby craft goal. Action would serve him better than vegetating on his rack waiting for prison reform.
My term in prison has passed much quicker than it should have, and I’m convinced the reason is that I’ve always worked toward goals that I set. It’s not natural for a man to wait for outside forces to change his life. Even in prison, we have the power to choose how we will use our energy, and although restrictions limit us, if we don’t set industrious schedules, our minds, bodies, and spirits atrophy. I try to inspire my fellow prisoners with my busy work schedule. But with Richard, I don’t feel as though I’m succeeding.
This morning I began writing at 1:49. I continue working through chapter eleven. I wrote through page 502. I ran 10 miles in the morning, bringing my tally to 2,377 miles over the past 268 days without a single day of rest.
Sunday, 6 September 2009
Prison Journal: Day 8,034
August 8, 2009
Some readers may wonder whether a man in prison can still lead a meaningful life. Keeping a busy schedule helps me. I’m always working to complete the next project, and I measure my progress every day. Measuring progress is one of the reasons I write this daily prison journal. The discipline of writing forces me to evaluate how well I’m using my time.
This morning I began writing at 2:06, and I am pleased to note that by the time I put away my writing things, I advance my manuscript to page 293. By my estimates, I wrote 2,000 words today, perhaps a bit more. I consider that a productive day.
I also exercised. The temperatures have dropped here in Taft for some reason. Since it’s not as hot, I didn’t go outside until 7:00. I ran 10 miles, bringing my consecutive total to 2,115 miles over the past 239 days.
I’m reading a book of short stories by Thomas Mann. He writes long, eloquent sentences, and describes characters, scenes, and events better than anyone I’ve read. I suppose some would consider him one of the world’s most literate writers, and he impressed me as being both smart and worldly.
Prison Journal: Day 8,030
August 4, 2009
An acquaintance of mine, here at Taft Camp, asked me the significance of keeping this prison journal. He thought prison was something a prisoner should try to forget about, not memorialize by writing about the drudgery each day. For me, keeping a journal represents a willful act, I told him. It is part of this deliberate effort I make to control the progress I make on several fronts.
Keeping a journal requires discipline. It forces me to think about the way I’m living my life in here, and it also helps me remain true to the goals I set. Through my journal, I’ve announced to the world that I intend to exercise every day until I’m released from prison, and I’ve publicly stated that I’m writing a new manuscript. Because I announced those goals, I feel compelled to reach them. I work every day toward those efforts, and I invite others to hold me accountable. The journal also helps me hold myself accountable.
This morning, for example, I hopped down from my rack at 1:18 am, and by 1:29, I was sitting in this quiet room where I like to write. I spent the early morning editing the first draft of chapter five. It’s a long chapter, and I read through it twice, making initial changes. I’ll edit it several more times as the months pass. This is how I work. I write, then I set the work aside, and return to take a fresh look at my work several times, cutting, adding, and refining each time-or trying to refine.
I ran 10 miles. That run brought my tally to 2,082 miles over the past 235 days.
Then I spent the remainder of the day working over chapter six of Earning Freedom. I wrote through page 276, finishing the first draft of this chapter. Tomorrow morning, early, I will outline and begin writing chapter seven.
It’s nearly 5:00 in the afternoon now and I’m ready to lie down. I have a short story by Thomas Mann I’m going to read, then I’ll read a bit from The Book of Luke in the Bible, and fall into a deep sleep. I know I’ll wake well rested before 2:00 a.m., eager to resume my work.
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Prison Journal: Day 8,024
July 29, 2009
I’m grateful to the people who take time to write me after they read my work. I have a stack of envelopes from people who’ve read my book, Inside: Life Behind Bars, some of my other books, or articles that my wife publishes for me on our Web site. I’ve not been able to keep up with the correspondence, and I hope readers will give me a pass.
Receiving mail helps prisoners endure the separation from family and community. I know many prisoners at Taft Camp who stand around the officer as he passes out mail, and when they receive a letter from home, their faces light up. I know the joy, as I depend on the regular letters that Carole sends me to make it from one visiting day to the next.
Now, I’m in the midst of writing this new manuscript for Earning Freedom, and the project receives all of my attention. I’ve been in prison for so long that I know the necessity of discipline. I need to write every day, for many hours each day, because I deem this manuscript a worthwhile endeavor that will add value to society, and to my family.
As a prisoner, even in a minimum-security camp as pleasant as Taft, I know that anything can happen. To ensure that surprises don’t interrupt my progress, I prioritize, meaning I devote my working energy to writing the manuscript and keeping current with my daily blogging journal.
This morning I began writing at 2:24 am, and by the time I put my work away, I advanced chapter six to page 249. I’m still waiting to receive some of my earlier chapters in the mail for editing. Until they come, I’ll continue this work on chapter six.
I ran 10 miles this morning, boosting my running tally to 2,029 miles over the past 229 consecutive days.
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Prison Journal: Day 8,011
July 16, 2009
I read an article in this week’s issue of Time magazine that described the important role community colleges play in helping people develop marketable skills. Here in Taft prison, the Taft Community College offers courses that can play a huge role in helping offenders emerge successfully. Unfortunately, few take advantage of the magnificent educational opportunity.
In mentoring my fellow prisoners, I’m continuously emphasizing the importance of earning both education credentials and the skills that those credentials should reflect. Prisoners at Taft who discipline themselves may earn associate’s degrees in business, liberal arts, accounting, or science. Courses in math, English, and more specialized vocational subjects can change their lives; it saddens me to see so few prisoners commit the program wholeheartedly.
Certainly, I understand the struggles my fellow prisoners go through. As Maslow wrote about in his hierarchy of needs, it’s difficult to focus on abstract concepts when basic needs go unmet. As prisoners, we all struggle with separation from those we love. It challenges us to focus on learning sentence structure, algebra, and lessons from history when we’re worrying about holding onto marriages, or when we’ll be able to speak with our children. Yet I try to pass along the message to my fellow prisoners that one way of showing our family members our love is by preparing ourselves to provide for them in meaningful ways when we’re home. Every minute wasted watching television or playing table games is a minute we could spend to develop our minds. That has been a strategy that has carried me through more than 8,000 days and nights in prisons of every security level.
Today I woke at 2:06 to resume work on the fourth chapter of my new manuscript. I’m now on page 174.
I ran 10 miles in the early morning, before temperatures soared up to 108 degrees. My running tally now stands at 1,913 miles over the past 216 consecutive days.
Prison Journal: Day 7,942
May 8, 2009
The Taft Prison Camp is playing three very good movies this weekend. I will not be watching any, as I must keep my routine of sleeping early and waking early in order to meet my writing goals. I really want to finish the draft of this chapter I’m working on, and that requires sacrifice. I’ll watch the movies with Carole once I’m released.
I have seen news reports of President Obama looking to save taxpayer dollars by eliminating unnecessary spending. Perhaps someone ought to take a look at how we live in federal prison camps. Without fences to hold us, we serve time under the honor system, though I really question the purpose. To think that 20 percent of the federal prison population serves time under such conditions seems a real waste of taxpayer resources. As a former warden told me, prisoners in camps ought to serve their sanctions in community-based programs which do not burden society with wasteful spending.
Carole and I did not visit today, as she continues to accumulate work hours before her move. I miss seeing her, holding her, talking to her. We will not visit until the 22nd of this month, so I still have two weeks to pass.
I ran only five miles today. I wanted to let my body rest a bit, though I expect to complete 64 miles this week. My tally now stands at 1,297 miles over the past 147 days.
Friday, 8 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,939
May 5, 2009
Early this morning I finished reading When Prisoners Come Home a book by Professor Joan Petersilia, who teaches at Stanford Law. With the heavy writing schedule I now have, my time for reading has diminshed. Early this year I set a goal of reading 25 books during 2009. Thus far I’ve only read seven books, and if I were on schedule, I would have read ten. I will have to find time to catch up.
When Prisoners Come Home is a scholarly book that has significant meaning to me for obvious reasons. I feel as if I am well prepared for the challenges that await my release, though reading the stark realities that Professor Petersilia described motivates me to work harder through these remaining months that I must serve.
I expect to face high hurdles. For many years I’ve written about those expectations. This book confirms that employers reject consideration of people who have been released from prison, as do lenders, landlords, and other citizens in society. I must have a strategy in place to triumph over these hurdles.
Today I made good progress on this second version of the sample chapter for the manuscript proposal. I am enthusiastic about this version, as it feels better to write in the first person, present tense. I expect to finish drafting this new chapter by Sunday.
Certainly, I will finish writing at least one book before my release. My hopes are to finish two manuscripts and to have publishing arrangements in place for both. If I succeed, those projects will open speaking and consulting opportunities sufficient to overcome the employment hurdles that confront other long-term prisoners. I am grateful to have mentors who will assist my transition.
I ran 10 miles today and followed with 250 pushups. Then I returned to write. I now have run 1,273 miles over the past 144 consecutive days. I feel good about setting and achieving these goals. I intend to exercise every remaining day that I serve in prison, as emerging physically fit is an essential component of my release preparations.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,928
April 24, 2009
I’ve been reading from two books and a published paper on California’s prison system that Dr. Joan Petersilia wrote. She is a distinguihsed professor who publishes extensively on issues pertaining to crime and corrections. As I read these academic writings I remember my early years as a prisoner, and the reality of how much of my life has been lost to the prison system slams me in the head.
As I move through each passing day I feel strong and purposeful. This morning, I woke at 2:10 and I was writing at 2:19. I expected a visit, so I had to finish my writing goals and my exercise early. These incremental goals I set power me through each hour. Instead of dwelling on how many years must pass before release, I focus on the projects I want to complete, the exercise targets I want to reach, or the next time I will see my lovely Carole. Moving forward does not challenge my spirit as much as looking back.
When I read these descriptions that Dr. Petersilia writes about the corrections system, I cannot help but remember the day I first heard the guards locking the heavy steel door behind me. I remember sitting on that bench in that closet-sized room back in August of 1987. Nicotine residue stained the walls. The dank smell made me want to puke. I couldn’t really believe that I would sleep in a prison that night. Yet ever since then, I’ve slept in prisons every night. It exhausts me to look back, to think about how much time has passed.
I no longer feel as if I’m a real part of my extended family. The rules of prison prohibit me from having a normal relationship with them. I have one niece in college and another entering junior high school I think; they don’t know me and I don’t know them. My relationship with my two sisters feels distant despite my love for them both. I don’t know much about my mother’s life. My father died several years ago and I could not even attend the funeral. When I look back, I feel very much a prisoner.
These books force me to revisit and accept the costs of my imprisonment, though I feel as if I must read them in order to prepare for the challenges ahead. I hate to look back. The solution for me is looking forward, moving through each day to the completion of my next set of goals. Traffic problems caused Carole to postpone our visit until Sunday, so I now look forward to embracing her then.
I ran three miles, boosting my tally to 1,172 miles over the past 133 days.
Friday, 24 April 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,923
April 19, 2009
I resumed work on the rewrite of the chapter for Professor Joan Petersilia at 2:20 this morning. By 7:30 I had completed the project. Had I been able to access a typewriter, I could have typed the document in a couple of hours at most. Prison has made me a fast typist, but the rules of Taft Camp prohibit using typewriters for personal work. Rewriting this chapter has taken about 10 hours, and I think I invested about 40 hours in total to create this first draft. I expect to invest another 40 hours to refine it before publication, though I’m grateful for the opportunity to make this contribution to prison reform.
In order to finish this chapter in five days, I adjusted my schedule. I’ve spent the majority of my writing time over the past two weeks writing projects that have a long lead times. The first project was the sample chapter for my next book proposal. The next project was this chapter draft for Professor Petersilia. As a consequence of this deliberate commitment to goals I set, I have had to sacrifice some of my blog writing energy. Tomorrow morning I intend to catch up by writing several blogs that I’ve been neglecting. It remains a goal of mine to keep readers informed about how I thrive through imprisonment. I hope they see that a key component of my prison adjustment has been setting goals and using them to guide me through each day. All of the goals work in harmony to advance the purpose of my life, which is to contribute to society and to prepare for a successful return.
Following my completion of the rewrite, I went outside to run 10 miles. That boosts my tally to 1129 miles over the past 128 consecutive days. I’m grateful that my body feels strong, without aches, despite the running without a break. I believe the exercise makes me stronger, healthier, wiser, and more disciplined. I intend to exercise every day of 2009, and to run without a day off for as long as I can.
Sunday, 19 April 2009
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