Prison Journal: Day 7,935
May 1, 2009
Today I finished writing an article about a former CEO who attempted suicide as a response to embezzlement problems. The man struggled with bipolar disorder, and he said that mood swings compelled his actions that led to imprisonment. When I interviewed him for the story, I was trying to gather information for Professor Jana Schrenkler’s ethics class. I did not know about the man’s mental health problems.
Many people in prison suffer from mental disorders. The newspapers have been reporting recently on how prisons have became the de facto mental institutions because the states have been diverting money from health care to corrections. These types of environments lack the personnel to work with the disabled. In camps like the one where I am confined now, the problem is not as pronounced as in higher security facilities. I still feel very fortunate to serve those final months of my sentence at Taft Camp. By far, it is the easiest prison where I have been confined.
I began my work at 2:30 this morning. I ran 10 miles and followed with some light strenght training. My running tally is 1,233 miles over the past 140 days. I spent the remainder of the day editing the sample chapter from the new book proposal. I think it is stronger after the four hours I spent going over it. I will edit again tomorrow, then work on the front material for the proposal.
Carole and I did not visit today. She is planning to visit toward the end of this month, after she settles into her new residence. I’m okay with this adjustment to our schedule because we planned for the suspension together. Someday we won’t have to endure these long separations, but as a prison family they are a part of our life. I will use the extra time to advance my writing projects.
Friday, 1 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,874
March 1, 2009
This morning I woke with fantasies of it being my final March in prison. I say fantasy because I am scheduled to remain in prison until August of 2013. That August date is misleading, however. I have eligibility to serve a portion of my final term under conditions of parole, and I also will qualify for a quasi-freedom of halfway-house placement and home confinement. Access to those programs is uncertain, but as sentencing computations now stand, I could release in April of 2012; I calculate the release date differently from the BOP, however, and intend to begin litigation proceedings in 2010 that ought to advance my conisderation for release in July of 2011.
Even with that potentially favorable outcome; it would seem that I have March of 2010, and March of 2011 to serve as a prisoner. Readers may then wonder how I could delude myself with fantasies of this being my final March. The reason is that Carole and I are hoping for the introduction of a Congressional bill on prison reform that had been deliberated during previous Congressional sessions.
The bill was widely known as the 45-and-over bill. It would have provided eligibility for nonviolent offenders who were older than 45 and who had served half the lengths of their sentences to serve the remainder of their terms on home confinement. That bill never made it to the floor of the Congress for a vote under the previous Congressional session. Even if it had, I doubt whether the previous President would have signed it into law. Our leadership, however, has since changed. This Congress may introduce the bill and President Obama would support the legislation.
Prison reform legislation is scheduled to begin this spring under Senator Jim Webb’s leadership. If the 45-and-over bill became law, I would qualify for release next February. That would be when I completed my 22 1/2 years of confinement, meaning I served half of my 45-year sentence. Those hopes form the basis of fantasy for my wife and me, regardless of how delusional they may seem.
Because of the possibility of that advanced release date, my wife and I must work harder than ever to prepare. I woke this morning at 3:00, but did not being writing until 3:30. I finished writing three blogs by 6:30. I ran 10 miles, lifting my running tally to 722 miles over the past 79 consecutive days. In the afternoon, I completed a story on Justin Paperny; it was the first in a series of articles I intend to write on ethics. I make this contribution for Professor Jana Schrenkler of Saint Mary’s University.
My wife has been building a presence for me on Facebook. I’ve read a lot about those social networking sites and I feel grateful for these efforts she makes to connect me with the world. I wasn’t much older than a high school graduate when I began my prison term, so it is a treat to read about my former classmates. I invite all readers to friend me on Facebook. Although I don’t have direct access to the web, my loving wife makes every effort to include me in the world. I appreciate the support and look forward to rekindling relationships upon my release.
Sunday, 1 March 2009
My 7,873rd Day in Federal Prison
February 28, 2009
Saturday, 28 February 2009
During my magnificent visit with Carole yesterday, she told me that I may be driving myself too hard. Since prison rules forbid us from spending more than one day a week together, and telephone limitations block us from talking much, our visits tend to feel concentrated. We share everything going on in our lives, as much as we can, during the six hours we share sitting beside each other under bright lights and watchful eyes of prison guards.
I was telling Carole that heartburn had been waking me at night. She knew that I slept and woke early, that I ran more than 60 miles each week, and that I devoted many hours to writing. As she listened to descriptions of the acidic taste that was disturbing my sleep, she began questioning me more about the symptoms. Her preliminary diagnosis was that I drove my body too hard. The stress on the body, she said, was manifesting itself. If I did not rest more, she said, I could develop an ulcer.
I work hard and strive to achieve goals because I feel a responsibility to prepare for my release. My sense is that I have a duty to use every minute available to advance my efforts and to make the best use of resources. I don’t feel stress. On the contrary. The more I set out to accomplish, the more empowered I feel. Pursuit of goals brings me an illusion of freedom and lessens the perceptions of being a helpless or weakened prisoner.
Although I didn’t feel stress, I had to respect my wife’s knowledge of science. I am proud of her ability to articulate the relationship of stress, acid, and ulcers. I love our story, and I love her. Carole is living, breathing proof that I have a real life waiting for me in the world. That is my inspiration to keep going.
In deference to Carole, I slept a little longer. I did not begin writing until 3:30 this morning. I had set a goal at the beginning of the month to write 100 blog articles and I wrote 110 blogs during February. At 8:00 this morning I went outside to run. After 10 miles, I lifted my tally to 712 miles over the past 78 consecutive days. Carole wanted me to ease up a bit, but I had set a goal of running 1000 miles before I would consider a rest. I compromised by sleeping a bit longer. I would also make a more concerted effort to moderate my food intake.
In the afternoon I began writing the first entry for the ethics category. I expect to finish that article tomorrow. In the late afternoon I sat to watch the evening news, but I got sucked into a movie with Denzel Washington, an actor whom I admire. That movie kept me awake until after seven. I finished reading Uncommon by Tony Dungy. Then I thanked God for all the blessings in my life, for my family, for Carole, for my peace. Then I pulled the beanie over my eyes to block out the bright lights above and slept.
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