Prison Journal: Day 8,140
November 22, 2009
Last September my friend and partner Brad Fullmer drove up from Los Angeles to visit me and I just received the picture we took during the
Michael with Brad Fullmer
visit. I met Brad through my friend and other partner, Justin Paperny, who spent about one year at Taft Camp. Both are partners because they’ve been supportive of my work, and as I wrote about in my manuscript, Earning Freedom, Justin and Brad will play a role in the career I want to build upon release.
It’s always a privilege for me to make new friends, and Brad is especially interesting because of the years he played in major league baseball. After graduating from high school, he entered the draft and the Montreal Expos selected him in the first round. Brad is one of the few players to have hit a home run at his first major league at bat. He distinguished his career further by stealing home plate during a World Series game when he played for the California Angels.
When I ‘m released, I hope to build a career as a speaker and consultant. Brad and Justin will join me in these efforts to offer strategies we all embrace that can assist others in reaching their highest potential. My expertise comes from the context of triumphing over adversity, but the lessons I’ve learned translate into areas besides the criminal justice system. With Brad and Justin working together with me, we expect to contribute to many segments of society.
Justin has begun this career already, building experience as a speaker on ethics. He speaks to university and corporate audiences, describing the importance of leading a values-based life. Besides speaking on ethics, Justin offers consulting services for individuals about to encounter the criminal justice system, and I know he’s offering a great service to assuage anxieties while preparing others to make the most of difficult situations.
It’s a privilege for me to have friends and partners like Justin and Brad. Visiting limitations don’t allow me to see them too often, but I look forward to working with them upon my release.
This morning I ran 10 miles.
[consecutive running log: 3,070 miles in 344 days]
Prison Journal: Day 7,986
June 21, 2009
Today is Father’s Day, and I know that many prisoners feel sad because they’re separated from family. David, the prisoner with whom I share a cubicle at Taft Prison Camp, told me that these holidays make him long for his wife and children. He is only 29, and visits with his family once or twice each month because of distance and expense. Frequently David sits on his bunk and flips through photo albums to reminisce about the joy he feels when holding his two young children. After 22 years of imprisonment, I no longer identify with those feelings.
I am 45-years-old and I expect that I will remain in prison until I am 48. Relief could bring me home sooner, but either way, I have long ago accepted that the bad decisions of my early 20s had irrevocable consequences, one of which meant that I would never know the joy of being a father. I reaffirmed that acceptance when I married Carole, my wife of six years.
Carole and I discussed these ancillary consequences of my imprisonment during our visit last Friday. Besides the reality that I would never have a child, the length of time I have served and continue to serve in prison also influences my career ambitions. Carole said that when I expressed such acceptances she felt as if our marriage was limiting my life. I had to hold her hand and assure her that our love brings me a liberty and fulfills me. It was not our marriage that blocked me from having children or building a thriving career. Rather, the bad choices I made in my early 20s determined the limitations with which I’m living now. Together, Carole and I will find fulfillment in ways that do not include children that we bring into the world together, and I’m looking forward to those possibilities.
My dad passed away five years ago, and his struggle with Alzheimer’s disease meant that I did not see him after 1994 or 1995, I don’t remember. He suffered tremendously as a consequence of my imprisonment, as does my mother. Thoughts of how those decisions I made as a young man hurt my family are always with me. I wonder whether I’ll move past them when I return to the world. In here I try to push such thoughts aside and focus on the preparations I must make for release, but on days like today, Father’s Day, I’m reminded of all that my life is missing.
I began writing this morning at 3:30. I enjoyed the quiet time and solitude and stayed at the table until 7:00. Then I walked to health services for an allergy pill and to the track to begin my exercise. I ran 10 miles and followed with 200 push ups. My running tally is now at 1,683 miles over the past 191 consecutive days. In the afternoon I interviewed Ray, a prisoner who returned to Taft Camp for a violation of supervised release.
Sunday, 21 June 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,979
June 14, 2009
This past Friday, I enjoyed a wonderful visit with my friend Lee Nobmann. Lee is the founder of Golden State Lumber and several other successful business ventures. He is a man who has achieved an extraordinarily high level of success on many levels. Besides creating businesses that employ hundreds of people, he is a role model in that he is a true family man.
I’ve spoken a lot about Lee in courses that I teach here at Taft Prison camp, or when I’m mentoring other prisoners. Some of my fellow prisoners ask whether I plan to work with Lee upon my release. although I’m confident that he would open an opportunity for me, the truth is that Lee respects me because he trusts that I’m capable of creating my own opportunities. He is right, because I can and I will.
Upon my release, I intend to build a business that enables me to contribute to the lives of others. Some may think that as a consequence of my having served so much of my life in prison, I wouldn’t have too much to offer. That’s not the way I see the world, however.
We as human beings share adversity in common. It is a human experience, part of life’s journey. My adversity may have required that I endure multiple decades in prison, though others struggle with adversity taht can feel just as daunting. Millions of Americans are losing their homes to foreclosure each month, and millions more suffer with employment issues, personal finance problems, or relationship difficulties. I’m confident that the strategies I have relied upon to thrive through 22-plus years in prison will help others overcome struggle in their own lives.
My work may not bring me financial success or a private jet, though I will derive a sense of fulfillment in helping others empower themselves. That is the career I intend to pursue.
Today I worked toward that career goal by writing a lengthy letter to an executive at Franklin Covey, as I hope to build a relationship with that organization. I ran 10 miles, I did 200 pushups, and I interviewed David, a successful real estate mogul from Los Angeles.
My running tally is now 1,620 miles in 184 days.
Sunday, 14 June 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,896
March 23, 2009
After a disappointingly unproductive weekend, I woke at 2:30 this morning rejuvenated. I read for a while, then began writing at 3:10. By 7:30 a.m. I had completed eight blog articles and sent them off with a letter to my wife. I felt good about writing more this morning than I had written over the entire weekend.
The fruitful writing session caught me up with responses to all the student questions I had received from Cal State Long Beach criminal justice program. As of today I have written lengthy responses to 86 students. According to my records, I await questions for only 13 more students and that will complete the semester requirements.
I appreciate this opportunity to interact with university programs. The students from Cal State expect to pursue work in law enforcement upon graduation. Many will become correctional officers or probation officers. It is conceivable that the probation officer who supervises my release may be a student to whose education my work is contributing. I look forward to contributing to this program, not only at Cal State, but at other universities as well.
I’m contemplating another book. Although I don’t want to publish another book during my imprisonment, I’m nearing the time when I ought to clarify ideas for the next manuscript. I should have a goal in place of finishing a book proposal, outline, and sample chapter before the end of this year. Several months may pass after the book proposal is complete before a publisher issues and agreement. If I succeed in getting another publishing opportunity, more than one year would pass before the book came to market.
I’d like to have at least one, and possibly two books ready for release at the same time that I complete my sentence. That kind of planning will help launch my career. Whereas the prison system hindered me by blocking access to media and effective promotions with my previous publications, once I finish my term I will not have to endure those limitations. I must prepare for that opportunity.
Writing, speaking, teaching, and consulting represent the one career I can pursue that my prison experience will not hinder. In any other career, I expect that others will reject me because of the bad decisions I made in my early 20s. As a speaker and writer on the subjects associating with thriving through adversity, on the other hand, I expect my prison experiences will prove helpful in validating me as an authroity. That has been my plan and I must continue to prepare.
Today I ran 10 miles, though I’m feeling new pains in my left knee and lower hip area. I have recorded 903 miles without a day of rest of the past 101 days. I’ve crossed the 100-day goal and I’d like to continue until I break through the 1,000-mile goal. Slow and steady.
Monday, 23 March 2009
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