Prison Journal: Day 8,122
November 4, 2009
This morning’s meeting with the TOAD outreach program brought confrontation. Our group meets every Wednesday morning to practice presentations, skits, and to discuss improvements we can make. The group of prisoners who participate have a role as leaders, I think, as through our presentations to at-risk adolescents, we contribute to the making of a better society.
Because of our role in working to prevent crimes before they occur, I consider it important to show those in our audience strategies to overcome adversity. Some of my fellow TOAD participants fail to think through the substance of their messages. They insinuate, to a degree, that they still condone the gangster type life. Instead, I urge them to discuss options we all have to change and grow through responsibility and accountability.
When I stated my position, some of the younger gang members of the group disagreed. They told me that I didn’t understand anything about gang pressures, and that sometimes it was necessary to fight with the group. I argued vehemently that such a message contradicts what we stand for and the message we’re striving to deliver. During next Wednesday’s meeting, I intend to make my case again.
I am convinced that all human beings have the power within to triumph over adversity and make positive changes. Doing so, however, requires a 100 percent commitment. When I see wavering, or mixed messages, the speaker loses all authenticity. As a leader, it’s my responsibility to point out inconsistencies. It’s also important that I lead by example, and that’s why I make this commitment to transparency, to living as an open book and inviting others to hold me accountable.
Before the TOAD meeting, I ran 10 miles. That run boosted my ongoing tally to 2,911 miles over the past 326 days. Since I had the 8:00 a.m. appointment with TOAD, I didn’t have time to follow my run with pushups. After the meeting, I had individual meetings with two gang-type prisoners, trying to show them options they could pursue that would lead to more fulfilling lives.
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Prison Journal: Day 8,115
October 28, 2009
This morning I wasn’t able to run my usual 10-mile distance because of a scheduled outing. Our TOAD group planned to leave the prison in Taft at 7:15 this morning, so I was only able to run six miles before I had to come in and change. That run boosted my tally to 2,844 miles over the past 319 consecutive days.
TOAD, which stands for Those Outspoken Against Drugs, is a youth outreach group made up of prisoners from Taft Camp. TOAD members meet every Wednesday morning to rehearse and the speeches and skits we perform in an effort to persuade at-risk adolescents to avoid criminal behavior. Our participation in the TOAD group represents a part of our effort to make amends with society for the bad decisions we made that led us to prison. By telling our story and expressing our regret to the young people in the audience, we hope to provide them with insight that will help them make better decisions than we made at their age.
I’ve taken advantage of every opportunity to contribute to youth outreach programs throughout my imprisonment. My first opportunity was the Slow Down Program at USP Atlanta; I wrote an article that the Atlanta Journal Constitution newspaper published to describe our program. Since we were confined to a high-security United States Penitentiary, enclosed by ominous walls, the children came into the prison and we made our presentations in the visiting room.
When I was confined in prisons where administrators expressed reluctance to allow prisoners access to outside communities, I tried to contribute through writing. I received sponsorships from Golden State Lumber, a business that funded the production of Gangsters and Thugs: Consequences That Hustlers Pay, and with Carole’s help, we distributed thousands of copies to centers for at-risk youth.
As a long-term prisoner, I feel a sense of responsibility to share what I’ve learned as a consequence of my lengthy imprisonment. All of my work and activities represent my quest to earn freedom and I’m grateful that my literary agent, Jim Schiavone, has presented my manuscript to St. Martin’s Press for publishing consideration. I want to share this story of my long journey through prison with readers.
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,940
May 6, 2009
My work began at 2:30 this morning and I did not finish until after 9:00 this evening. I don’t think I’ve had a longer day of work and I hope to rest well through the night.
Besides writing for the entire day, I participated in a community service program for our group Those Outspoken Against Drugs, TOAD. Usually we speak with at-risk adolescents, but this evening we spoke for members of a youth church group from the Taft community. Thirty people comprised our audience and they ranged in age from 12 to 20. The group was attentive, even though they did not appear vulnerable to criminal influences. We had a total of 13 TOAD members participating in the group, and many brought an enthusiasm that those in the audience really enjoyed. Lou, one of the older members of the group, provides a powerful message about how partying and drug abuse led to a failed academic career, a lifetime struggle with addiction, and all the pains that accompany a lengthy prison sentence.
Malik spoke about how he began carrying guns to school in junior high, and how those decisions resulted in five felony convictions. Eddie offered a horrid prison experience for the audience to ponder, describing how he lost his mother, his father, and his son while serving time.
Our star speaker is Benny, who described how sales of drugs derailed a brilliant future. Benny came to prison in his early 20s, despite opportunities to play college basketball and pursue a career as a recording artist. He is a rapper, and a talented performer. For each of our TOAD group presentations, Benny raps for the audience. He is versatile, too; as he writes raps that are specific for the group. In today’s performance, Benny rapped about his love for Christ.
In the morning I ran 10 miles, brining my total to 1,283 miles over the past 145 consecutive days. I also made good progress with my writing.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
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