Many prisoners I meet struggle with their separation from family. When they hear that my marriage to Carole took place in a prison visiting room longer than seven years ago, some ask how we keep our love alive without physical intimacy. The answer to me is simple, and it would be the same answer even if we were allowed more physical intimacy: love requires work, marriage requires nurturing. Carole and I work at ours every day.
Strengthening my marriage and growing my love for Carole demands the same daily attention as anything else worthwhile in life requires. To stay on course, I follow the same steps I’m writing about in one of my new manuscripts. The steps begin with attitude. I am 100 percent engaged in cultivating a rich, everlasting marriage that I will work to fill with romance, passion, and commitment. I don’t waver, and Carole sees this attitude in everything I think, say, and do. That is a start.
The positive, 100 percent attitude leads to my aspirations. I aspire to provide Carole with a sense of fulfillment. I want her to live with certainty that I work every day to become the best husband I possibly can. I pledge to her my every breath, all that I am today and all that I will ever become. I aspire to provide her with a sense of joy, of honor in being my wife, to give her comfort and security and stability, to respect and cherish and adore her.
Such aspirations guide all of my actions. Whenever an opportunity surfaces to show Carole my love, I seize it. When opportunities don’t surface on their own, I create them. In time I expect to monetize my work, contributing value to the lives of others in a way that will bring stability to our family. I exercise every day, setting clearly-defined fitness goals and disciplining myself to exceed them. I write of my love to Carole every day, always expressing my respect and appreciation for her. I thank God for blessing me with this love and empower myself by taking those actions.
I invite Carole to hold me accountable to the goals I set for our family. By doing so, I create an awareness in our marriage—for both of us. For me that means making myself aware of steps I can take to relieve Carole of stress that comes with being a prisoner’s wife. For Carole, the accountability issue means that she can always see that despite my limitations I strive to live as all I pledged to her—as the best husband I can be.
This five-step process I follow allows me to achieve the marriage I want to build with Carole, but it’s never complete. Every day I work to make it better, to prove worthy of her love. Our thriving marriage is not an accident; it’s a testimony to the work that both Carole and I put into it every day. That’s how we keep our love alive through my lengthy prison term, and the work will continue even when physical intimacy becomes a new dimension for us to enjoy.
Ran 10 miles / 5,112 miles over 573 days
1000 pushups / 74,000 pushups in 2010
**To my lovely step-daughter, Nichole: Happy 19th birthday, we are so very proud of you!**
Thursday, 8 July 2010
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