Today’s entry is from Carole, Michael’s wife.

Prison introduces unique family challenges, and Michael and I are no exception. It’s our mutual commitment to being partners in marriage and in life that helps us manage the challenges and grow as a couple through the struggles we confront as a prison family. Michael asked me to contribute to his blog more regularly to provide a view of the prison experience from my perspective, so a few times each month I’ll write about visiting and other topics that are relevant to prison families.

I visited Michael yesterday (Friday), and we spent 4 hours together, from 11 a.m. until 3 p.m. It was a magnificent visit. I was really yearning to see him—not only is he loving and romantic and intelligent, he’s also very sexy. To maximize our time together while minimizing my physical discomfort, I decided it would be best to go up after the 10:30 a.m. census count. I have two injured spinal nerves (diagnosis, finally!), and sitting for long drives followed by hours of sitting in the visiting room exacerbates the inflammation and symptoms. Even though the visit was shorter than we’re used to, it was wonderful to see my husband and wrap my arms around him.  

It sounds easy when I write “I visited yesterday…” but the act of visiting is really a full day that requires planning because of the prison’s rigid visiting policies. Not only do we have to manage a monthly limit of 20 visiting points (each visit “costs” us points—Fridays are 4 points, Saturdays and Federal holidays are 8 points, and Sundays are 6 points), but Taft is 100 miles away from where I live which translates into a 2-hour drive up and back. We try to visit on Fridays to ensure we see one another at least once each week. Driving home on Friday afternoons generally means dealing with Los Angeles traffic which can add another couple of hours to the commute on a bad day.

I need to be sure I have money (quarters, $1s and $5s) to purchase food and drinks in the visiting room. I spend about $40 each time we visit because the vending machine items are outrageously overpriced. Visitors are not permitted to bring any food items into the visiting room and we are not permitted to leave and return, therefore, as a captive audience, we have no other choice except to pay what the items cost.

It’s also  important to plan what I’ll wear in order to comply with the prison rules on visitors’ clothing—no khaki items, no grey items, no white shirts, no slip-on shoes, no shorts, no black zippered jackets, nothing with a hood. Many times, in various prisons of every security level, I’ve seen people turned away at the door by guards and directed to the local K-Mart because their clothing was the wrong color, or because they wore slip-on shoes or flip-flops, or had some other clothing violation. It’s quite distressing, and families generally don’t understand the rationale behind such policies. It’s not such a big deal for me if I goof on my visiting attire–I see my husband every week and I can lose an hour to run to K-Mart and spend a few bucks for a blue shirt. But imagine the difficulty for someone who’s already incurred travel expense from out of state, or out of town, to hear that they can’t visit because they wore the wrong outfit. Administrators say it’s the inmate’s responsiblity to inform his visitors of visiting rules, but most people in the world don’t think about what colors or what shoes they can or can’t wear…they just get dressed!

As a long-term prisoner’s wife, I’ve learned to prepare for visiting and to expect that rules, points, limitations, and restrictions are part of the prison experience. I accept them and I abide by them because I must in order to see my husband. I learned very early in my relationship with Michael that what is logical and rational and right in the world is not generally the philosphy in prison. When people ask me how they can best help their husband or son or friend or loved one who is incarcerated, this is my suggestion: Learn as much as you can about the prison environment in which he lives so that you can adjust and cope with the rules and restrictions that will become a part of your life as well. Prison is a family experience—regardless of who is incarcerated, the entire family serves the sentence. We hope that this Web site is a helpful resource.

I am very much in love with Michael. I am proud of him and proud to be his wife. I adore him, and I am grateful for every minute we have together–even if it’s in a crowded, noisy visiting room. He’s in prison, and it’s my responsibility to understand and embrace that environment as long as he is there. We’re nearing the end of his sentence, and I am eager to reintroduce him to life in the world.  

Michael’s exercise log:

Ran 10 miles / 4867 miles in 547 days

300 pushups / 62800 pushups in 2010

Saturday, 12 June 2010

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