Last Sunday I enjoyed a four-hour visit with my friend Dr. Sam Torres. It’s a privilege for me to have friendships with societal leaders like Dr. Torres, and it’s one that I value. During our visit, however, Dr. Torres cautioned my optimistic expectations for release. That sobered me, and although his admonitions come from a wealth of experience, I’ve been troubled ever since leaving the visit.
One of the reasons I admire Dr. Torres is that–in addition to his experience as a professor of criminal justice at CSU-Long Beach–his resume includes a full career as a federal probation officer. In 1995 Dr. Torres retired from the U.S. Probation Department to teach. Now that I am moving through the final 10 percent of my imprisonment, I’m thinking constantly about how I must position myself for a seamless transition to society. He’s an excellent resource for my questions about what to expect upon release.
Perhaps it’s ridiculous to think about a “seamless transition” after a quarter century of imprisonment. But I feel better prepared than any long-term prisoner I’ve ever met. My plan for release began the day I walked into prison, and the record I’ve built is well documented. Upon my release I have speaking invitations that await me from across the United States. My wife is a licensed nurse. We have savings to meet my anticipated expenses upon release. Besides all of that, Carole has helped me build an incredibly impressive support network while I served 8,298 days in prison. It is for these reasons that I expressed confidence to Dr. Torres about my ability to walk out of prison from a position of strength, ready to contribute to society in meaningful ways.
But as he listened to my preparations, he told me that it might be a bit overwhelming for my probation officer to accept. Probation officers are not used to receiving prisoners like me, he said, and the probation officer might want me to start slowly by taking a job—“He might want to make sure you’re not dealing dope again.”
After all the well-documented work I’ve done, and the quasi-career I’ve built, and the massive network ready to support and sponsor my release, I thought I had moved beyond castigations over the bad decisions I made in my early 20s. But according to what I heard from Dr. Torres, I should expect that others will always judge me for the crimes I committed at 21, 22, and 23 rather than the man I’ve become over the 23 consecutive years I’ve served in prison.
I’ve begun making adjustments to my plans as a consequence of what Dr. Torres told me. He should know what I will face, and I would be foolish not to listen.
Ran 7 miles / 4,470 miles over 503 days
Thursday, 29 April 2010
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