What is the secret for nurturing a loving marriage through a long prison sentence? That question challenges me every day. In 2002, I was blessed with Carole’s love. She has been the most magnificent wife, enriching my life in every way. Through her I’ve enjoyed the illusion of freedom because she has walked through so many days of imprisonment with me. Whenever the prison system has disrupted my life with transfers or other difficulties, Carole has been right beside me. Together we’ve built a life, but the importance of nurturing our love stays on my mind every day.
The separation that imprisonment inflicts hurts the family much more severely than it hurts the prisoner. I know that I must serve my sentence, but over time I’ve come to accept that I will serve the term in its entirely. Living inside buildings of concrete and steel has become normal for me—as normal as the breaths I take. I’ve been a prisoner for so long that I cannot imagine what it would feel like to live in society. All that I look forward to is the time I can share with my wife, yet I know the responsibility is mine to work continuously to keep our love growing.
While I serve time for the bad decisions of my early 20s, my wife endures the pain voluntarily because of her love for me. We’ve been apart more in 2010 than we have since we first married because of the limited visiting opportunities at Taft Camp and the demands associated with Carole’s schedule. I’m committed to supporting her in every way possible, but the distance between us challenges us both. I miss her every day.
I don’t know whether a single answer exists to the question of how to nurture a marriage through imprisonment. For me, to keep the love growing I know that I must work every day, to give my every breath and thought to Carole. She means more to me than anything else in this world, even my liberty. I’ve learned over the past 8,281 days to live without freedom, but I wouldn’t want to learn to live without Carole’s extraordinary love.
Each morning I begin my work before two. I keep a photograph of Carole and me in my notebook. She inspires me to spend hours writing content that will contribute to the career I am building for whenever release comes. I exercise every day to maintain tip-top physical conditioning, another commitment I made to my wife. Other than completing my responsibilities as a prisoner and contributing to the Taft prison community in small ways, I devote the rest of my energy to preparing for the life I want to enjoy with my wife upon release.
By writing her every day and by sharing my life with her in every way possible, our marriage has remained strong and growing for eight years. But I understand that every day of my imprisonment challenges her with loneliness and the difficulties that accompany my separation from her. Prison has become the only life I know, but without Carole my life would lose meaning. That’s why I’ll never stop trying to keep our love growing every day.
Ran 10 miles.
[consecutive running log: 4,315 miles over 486 days]
Monday, 12 April 2010
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