I’ve frequently described my perceptions of this lengthy prison term with the metaphor of a ladder. I’m in a pit and I’ve created my own ladder to climb out. When I set clearly-defined goals I chart my course, with each incremental success bringing me closer. The strategy helps me through each month but the climb isn’t always easy. The month of December is particularly difficult this year.
I attribute several reasons to changes in my perception. The Christmas season is an obvious reminder of my separation from home, but this Christmas has more significance because it is my 23rd Christmas as a prisoner, meaning that I’ve served as many holidays in prison as I have with family. Sometimes I allow the delusions that relief in some form will come, that either the judicial system or legislature will pass an order leading to an advanced release date or reform that eases the pain of confinement. But in time I shake the delusions like a wet dog shakes off water, realizing they’re only fantasy. I’ve set my plan for 2010, and once I resume my work, the climb will go more smoothly.
When prison time feels difficult, as it does for me now, I’m less creative. Instead of writing, I read more and recharge my energy levels with forecasts on what I’ll accomplish in the months ahead, once I resume more steady progress. Soon we’ll cross into January, into a new month, a new year, a new decade. I’ve simply got to climb through the next few weeks of December and I know that I can.
This morning I ran 10 miles and followed with 300 pushups.
[consecutive running tally: 3,173 miles over the past 355 days]
Thursday, 3 December 2009
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