I’ve frequently written about a theory of prison adjustment known as the u-shaped curve. This theory suggests that a prisoner struggles with higher levels of anxieties during the first and last portions of his imprisonment, while the middle or intermediate portion passes rather easily. Now that I’m in my final years of imprisonment, I can attest to the validity of this u-shaped curve theory.
I’m scheduled for release in four years, though I expect that my parole eligibility and halfway house placement will result in my return to society in less than three years. Three years may seem like a long stretch for some, but I have 22 years of imprisonment behind me, which means that I’ve completed about 90 percent of my time inside prison boundaries. For me, three years isn’t much.
My release will come during a time when our country really struggles with an economic crisis. It may or may not improve by the time I walk out of prison gates, and I know the responsibility is mine to prepare for the challenges ahead, the state of the economy notwithstanding. I feel as if I’ve prepared myself and my wife as well as I could have done, but anxieties sometimes overwhelm me when I think of the expenditures required to establish myself.
As I lie on my rack at night, I sometimes run through the numbers in my mind. I count the costs of clothes, an automobile, the computer equipment and communications gadgets I will need to launch my career, and the general living expenses. My arithmetic skills convince me that I must stand prepared to spend more than $60,000 during my first weeks of freedom.
Some may find such estimates over the top. Perhaps. I am taking into consideration the reality that I do not own a pair of socks, not a towel or a toothbrush. I do not have silverware, a couch or a table. I do not own a bed or a single pair of sheets. I do not have insurance, a business suit, or any of the other accessories that most 45-year-old men take for granted.
I am married to a magnificent woman, and together we have set plans in motion to prepare for those expenditures. Our lives begin with my release, whenever that comes, and I know that together we are up to the challenge. Yet when I read of high unemployment rates and a crumbling economy, I feel anxieties over the expenditures I anticipate.
In preparation, I continue writing about the prison experience. This morning, early, I finished a lengthy article on prison visiting for change.org. Then I ran 10 miles and followed the run with 200 push ups. I was supposed to interview a prisoner who returned to Taft Camp after a violation of supervised release, but he postponed our meeting until tomorrow. I wrote blogs in the afternoon and read. My running tally is now at 1,673 miles over the past 190 consecutive days.
Saturday, 20 June 2009
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