Friday, 27 February 2009
This morning I woke at 2:00, but I decided not to get up so early. My wife was coming to visit me later in the morning. Since I wanted to feel well rested during the time we would share together, I pulled the beanie back down over my eyes and slept a bit longer.
For the past 20 years, all of my dreams have had a relationship to prison. This morning’s dream was no different. On this occasion, I was being released from prison. Carole was waiting to pick me up. When I walked out of the prison’s front lobby, I saw Carole step from her car and run to embrace me. We were more like young lovers than a couple in their late 40s, which was the age we would be when my release was scheduled. After our kiss, we sat in the car. But even in the dream, I couldn’t relax. I knew that I had been released from prison, though I kept telling Carole that the guards were watching me. She would ask me to touch her, and I said I couldn’t. Then I told her I had to get back in time for the count. I was glad to wake from the dream. I must not allow myself to feel those institutional pulls, regardless of how much time I serve.
I reported to the quiet room to begin writing at 3:07. I wrote five blog articles before 8:00 AM. The stock market was falling again, I saw on CNBC, with the S&P 500 dropping to 12-year lows. With high unemployment numbers, a contracting GDP that shrunk by more than 6 percent in the last quarter of 2008, and a crumbling housing market, I realized that many of the people who were releasing from prison would really struggle to find traction. With millions of Americans suffering, a felony conviction and prison record would certainly complicate chances to compete in a dismal job market. I know one prisoner who told me he was declining a six-month halfway house opportunity because he said he didn’t think that he would be able to find a job; the man preferred to stay in prison for an extra six months rather than try to function outside. I remain optimistic about my prospects upon release, regardless of what economic crisis awaits me. The preparations I’ve made give me confidence that I will find a niche through which I can add value. Yet as I watched news of how so many people were struggling, I realize that many challenges await me.
I ran a shorter distance today, as I waited for my wife’s visit. Three miles lifted my count to 702 miles over the past 77 days. This marks eleven weeks of running without a day off. I feel good about advancing toward my goal of 1000 miles.
Carole arrived just after nine and we enjoyed a magnificent day together. She told me about the new web programmers who were improving our blog. Although I have not seen the design, Carole said it would launch next week and that it would have many advanced features to help us broaden our reach. Since I consider the Internet such an integral part of the career I want to build upon release, I felt grateful to Carole for the time she was investing to make these improvements. I don’t have too much more time to serve, and I have to prepare. I an so blessed to have Carole in my life.
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