Saturday, 28 February 2009

During my magnificent visit with Carole yesterday, she told me that I may be driving myself too hard. Since prison rules forbid us from spending more than one day a week together, and telephone limitations block us from talking much, our visits tend to feel concentrated. We share everything going on in our lives, as much as we can, during the six hours we share sitting beside each other under bright lights and watchful eyes of prison guards.

I was telling Carole that heartburn had been waking me at night. She knew that I slept and woke early, that I ran more than 60 miles each week, and that I devoted many hours to writing. As she listened to descriptions of the acidic taste that was disturbing my sleep, she began questioning me more about the symptoms. Her preliminary diagnosis was that I drove my body too hard. The stress on the body, she said, was manifesting itself. If I did not rest more, she said, I could develop an ulcer.

I work hard and strive to achieve goals because I feel a responsibility to prepare for my release. My sense is that I have a duty to use every minute available to advance my efforts and to make the best use of resources. I don’t feel stress. On the contrary. The more I set out to accomplish, the more empowered I feel. Pursuit of goals brings me an illusion of freedom and lessens the perceptions of being a helpless or weakened prisoner.

Although I didn’t feel stress, I had to respect my wife’s knowledge of science. I am proud of her ability to articulate the relationship of stress, acid, and ulcers. I love our story, and I love her. Carole is living, breathing proof that I have a real life waiting for me in the world. That is my inspiration to keep going.

In deference to Carole, I slept a little longer. I did not begin writing until 3:30 this morning. I had set a goal at the beginning of the month to write 100 blog articles and I wrote 110 blogs during February. At 8:00 this morning I went outside to run. After 10 miles, I lifted my tally to 712 miles over the past 78 consecutive days. Carole wanted me to ease up a bit, but I had set a goal of running 1000 miles before I would consider a rest. I compromised by sleeping a bit longer. I would also make a more concerted effort to moderate my food intake.

In the afternoon I began writing the first entry for the ethics category. I expect to finish that article tomorrow. In the late afternoon I sat to watch the evening news, but I got sucked into a movie with Denzel Washington, an actor whom I admire. That movie kept me awake until after seven. I finished reading Uncommon by Tony Dungy. Then I thanked God for all the blessings in my life, for my family, for Carole, for my peace. Then I pulled the beanie over my eyes to block out the bright lights above and slept.

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