Prison Journal: Day 8,210
January 31, 2010
Every night (or late afternoon) before I sleep, I read a passage from the Bible. This habit has carried me through many years of prison. I’m not a deeply religious person when it comes to abiding by the traditions and rituals that bring comfort to so many people, but regular prayer, the Bible, and reflection on the wisdom in the Bible has strengthened me. Last night I finished reading Revelations, the final book of the New Testament.
I don’t recall how many times I’ve read the Bible from cover-to-cover, but now that I’ve finished reading the New Testament again, I’ll go back to the beginning, to the book of Genesis. I look forward to beginning with Adam and Eve, then Noah’s Ark, the stories of Abraham, and Jacob, and Esau, and Joseph. By the time I finish reading the Bible again, from Genesis to Revelation; for sure I will be home. That comforts me.
It is good for me to have these kinds of markers, these incremental steps to freedom. All of my activities in prison help me feel that I’m advancing to freedom.
I remember my first thousand days. Back then, the journey ahead seemed so far in the distance. I couldn’t see the end. Regardless of how many steps I took, I didn’t have any clarity that would suggest I was advancing. By setting these personal goals—like reading the Bible, like working toward university degrees, like strength training and distance running, like striving to create opportunities to prepare for my eventual release—I created my own markers to gauge progress. Those markers helped.
Now I believe that I’m taking the steps through my final thousand days. In the beginning, even if I worked through a thousand days, I knew that I had more than eight thousand days ahead. That’s not the case anymore. Although I don’t know exactly how many days separate me from freedom, I feel strongly that I’ll be in the community with my wife within 1,000 days. That’s encouraging to me. And as I advance from one passage of the Bible to the next, I know that I’ll enjoy the guidance of God to carry me through the home stretch.
This morning I expected my wife’s visit so I cut my exercise short with only a three-mile run and followed with only 200 pushups.
[consecutive running log: 3,683 miles over the past 415 days]
[pushups in 2010: 10,200]
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Prison Journal: Day 8,209
January 30, 2010
One essential key to a productive journey through prison—and I suspect through life—is creativity. Through creativity, the mind is challenged to read the world, to evaluate strength and weaknesses, and to focus energy on adding some kind of value. Some people find creative outlets like drawing or music, but for me writing has always helped. Currently I have the challenge of collaborating on a new manuscript, and I’m pleased to have reached a milestone toward completion of the project today.
Embarking upon a long writing project requires substantial thought. I begin the project by thinking of my intended audience. Then I think about the message I want to deliver and creative ways to express it. I spend hundreds of hours on that creative process, staring at the wall for hours, writing notes, researching other books. I run around the track and I think about how I will open the story. I write drafts and then I throw the pages away. In time, the process brings more clarity of thought and I begin to see the project in my mind, from start to finish. That vision gives me the energy to complete an outline, and the outline becomes the blueprint for the rest of the project. Once I have the outline, I write the first chapter. That chapter begins in the same way, with many drafts.
Today I finished a draft of the first chapter for the new manuscript. I use it as an introduction for the work that will follow. To collaborate on this project requires more research gathering than I did for Earning Freedom, my previous manuscript. But even the research gathering is creative.
To complete my portion within the time line I’ve set (by June I expect to finish my part), I’ll begin my workday every morning between 2:00 and 3:00 am. I’ll break my work between 6:00 and 9:00 for exercise. Then I’ll spend the afternoons gathering content through research and interviewing other prisoners. By completing a draft of the first chapter today, I’ve taken a significant step forward, and I’m eager to continue progress in the days, weeks, and months ahead. All of this work contributes to my preparations for success upon release.
This morning I ran 10 miles. I followed the run with 100 pushups.
Saturday, 30 January 2010
[Consecutive running log: 3,680 miles over the past 414 days]
[pushups in 2010: 10,000]
Prison Journal: Day 8,208
January 29, 2010
Today a young prisoner–I’ll call him ‘OG’–told me about his life as a gang member. OG is only 23 and he grew up with out a father in Southern California. His neighborhood, as he called it, encouraged its male adolescents to join one of the various street gangs. The purpose, he said, was to make the neighborhood known.
“Known for what?” I didn’t understand the motivation.
“Known for being bad,” he told me.
“But why would you want people to know you for being bad?”
“So people would respect us, so they wouldn’t mess with anyone from our neighborhood.” OG answered.
He told me how he would gang bang and I asked what that meant. While driving past other boys, OG said that he would stare at them aggressively, as if challenging the boys to say something, anything. If the boys didn’t show him the “respect” to which he felt convinced he was entitled, OG said he’d “blast on them fools.”
The sadness in this tale is that OG has a natural gift of intelligence. Although he said that he didn’t study much in school, he expresses himself well in writing. I know this because he has shared some of his work with me. I read a three-page essay he wrote, I was impressed by his clarity of thought as well as the way he expressed himself.
When I converse with OG and his fellow gang bangers, I hope to help them identify a way to a better life. Instead of trying to instill fear in others, or to be “known for being bad”, I suggest that they educate themselves and prepare for a life that will bring them respect when they walk into an office of professionals. Rather than living as destructive forces in their communities, I strive to inspire them to prepare for productive, law-abiding lives, so that they will strengthen their neighborhoods.
These young gang members know that I’ve been incarcerated since 1987. Ironically, to them, the fact that I’ve served so much time in prison makes me worthy to listen to. It’s not that I’ve educated myself, built a productive and industrious life while in prison, nurtured a strong network of community support, or contributed to my family through work. They listen to me because I’ve been locked in prisons of every security level.
Whatever their reasons are for listening to me, I still use the opportunity responsibly. OG is paying attention. He’s now enrolled in Taft Community College and I will continue to guide him toward steps he can take to emerge as a law abiding citizen.
This morning I ran 10 miles and followed my run with 600 pushups.
[consecutive running log: 3,670 miles over the past 413 consecutive days]
[pushups in 2010: 9,900]
Friday, 29 January 2010
Prison Journal: Day 8,207
January 28, 2010
Last night I deviated from my usual 5:30 p.m./asleep before 6:00 p.m bedtime routine. President Obama was giving his State of the Union address and I stayed awake to listen.
I’ve now listened to 23 such addresses. I wander how many more State of the Union speeches I’ll listen to from prison. President Obama inspires me and I continue to feel strongly that he is the best leader for our country. Yet despite the challenges our country faces, with unemployment, war, terrorism and other pressing issues. I had hoped that by now we would see some leadership with regard to prison reform.
Readers who follow my work know that I have much to say on this subject. I’m convinced that meaningful reforms would lead to lower operating costs and less burdens by the taxpayers; I’m convinced that reforms could lower recidivism rates and contribute to safer communities; I’m convinced that reforms could contribute to homeland security.
The President and his advisers, apparently, do not think the country is ready for prison reform. To paraphrase his words last night–if not now, when? I don’t expect reform will come before my term in confinement concludes. But once I’m free, I intend to build a career working to help improve this system in some way. I don’t know the options that will open for me, but after all the years of prison behind me I’ll find some way to contribute.
I spent many hours today working on a collaborative writing project I began earlier this month. It will become an ethics book and I’m enjoying the creative challenge. I’ve devoted hundreds of hours to the project and it’s inspiring me. I’m grateful that others find some value in what I have to offer.
This morning I ran 10 miles and followed the run with 600 pushups. My routine kept me on track from 5:50 this morning until 8:28 – - an exhilarating workout.
[consecutive running log: 3,660 miles over the past 412 consecutive days]
[pushups in 2010: 9,300]
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Prison Journal: Day 8,206
January 27, 2010
Today I happened to see a segment on CNN describing a proposal Governor Schwarzenegger is making to build prisons in Mexico. His budget problems necessitate that the State of California make changes to its growing crisis of confining more prisoners than it can afford. Apparently, the state confines too many Mexican nationals and the governor recognizes that he can cut his expenditures significantly by sending the Mexicans to Mexico, where they would supposedly serve their sentences in prisons that Americans would fund.
Although moving prisoners to Mexico might cut down on the costs of confining so many people, I wonder whether justice might be better served if laws were changed to encourage prisoners to work toward earning freedom. As I understand the California prison system, the real problem is that people serve their sentences, then return to society lacking skills or resources to reintegrate. Without opportunities or hope, the cycle of crime sucks them back in, and the ex-prisoners become prisoners again.
The answer to America’s prison crisis is more complicated than shipping human beings to the least expensive warehouse. As long as taxpayers must fund this system of so-called corrections, they should expect the prison system to do more about lowering recidivism rates. Such a change would require those who administer the system to encourage prisoners to work toward earning freedom through incremental steps, preparing them along the way to live as law-abiding citizens.
Another approach that would seemingly make more sense than shipping prisoners to Mexico would be to make better use of the resources available. With GPS technology, administrators could release tens of thousands of minimum-security offenders to work in community programs.
Instead of more warehouses, the system should evolve. When I see the snapshots of governors or other politicians talking about the prison crisis, I shake my head, sad and discouraged that these irresponsible drains on our nation’s budgets will continue.
Rather than dwelling on the prison industrial complex, I choose to spend my time taking steps every day for the challenges that await my release. Besides writing and striving to live as a positive role model, I exercise and read. Today I ran 10 miles, but I didn’t follow with strength training because I met with the youth outreach program we call TOAD.
[Consecutive running log: 3,650 miles over the past 411 days]
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Prison Journal: Day 8,205
January 26, 2010
Yesterday I met Ron, a prisoner who surrendered to Taft Camp earlier this month. He is a friendly man who grew up in Chicago but made his home in California for the past several decades. Prior to self-surrendering, Ron read a considerable number of articles that my wife makes available through our website and he was kind enough to thank me upon our meeting in the visiting room. We spoke for a while before and after our toastmaster meeting.
It turns out that although Ron spent hours reading articles on my website, he missed one that may have helped him over challenges he faced upon his arrival. The prison didn’t have Ron’s paperwork in order, and as a consequence, he began his stay at Taft Camp with 11 days in the SHU. I was sorry to hear about Ron’s discomfort, but glad that he emerged from the challenge with his spirits intact.
Ron built his career as a CPA. Since retiring a few years ago, he’s been contributing to society by working as an umpire. I know these details about his life because Ron had the courage to stand and tell our Toastmaster group a little about himself. I was pleased to meet yet another well-educated man at Taft with an urge to contribute.
In preparation for the Toastmaster meeting, I had prepared a brief speech on the power of community building. I sent a written version of the speech to my lovely wife, Carole, and I’m sure she’ll post it on one of our web sites—though not having much knowledge of how the site is organized, I don’t know where it will appear. It describes an acronym I came up with for community building. I call the acronym APE, and it stands for Attitude, Preparation, and Excellence.
I enjoy offering these strategies. Too many find it easy to ignore the need for serious preparation. Here at Taft, for example, we have scores of prisoners who live with the delusion that they’ll soon be earning millions as currency speculators. Every day wasting hours writing out charts that are obsolete the second the “spectators” put pen to paper. They’re certain that all they need to do is master the CNBC ticker to strike it rich, but most of the participants struggle with arithmetic on the GED exam. When I suggest that their time might be better spent studying equities and fundamental analysis, they accuse me of heresy and that the smart money follows currencies. So be it.
This morning I ran 10 miles and I followed with 500 pushups.
[Consecutive running log: 3,640 miles over the past 410 days]
[Pushups on 2010: 8,700]
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Prison Journal: Day 8,204
January 25, 2010
A pleasant surprise for many newcomers to minimum-security camp is the community of other prisoners. I sat in the library writing this morning, and I knew five of the other six prisoners who worked quietly beside me. Three were lawyers, one man was a CPA, and the other man I knew had spent 25 years as an officer in the military. The only man I hadn’t met was a new arrival, and he carried himself with a professorial air; an educated man, I presumed, because he was absorbed in an issue of The New York Review of Books.
Taft is the third prison camp where I’ve been confined, and during the six-plus years that I’ve served in camps, I’ve met numerous people who previously led fascinating careers. They were men of distinction, yet some bad decisions along the way brought them into trouble with the criminal justice system. Although the camp may confine its share of prisoners who embrace criminal values, I would say that at least half of the prisoners in any given camp lived as law-abiding citizens before their current troubles, and they look forward to return to their communities as law-abiding citizens upon completion of their terms.
That reality must be a relief to those who contemplate self-surrendering to federal prison. The worst fear is the fear of the unknown, and I hope that my daily journal entries relieve some of the tension for individuals about to face prison. I hope my work demonstrates that with discipline and a deliberate adjustment plan, it’s possible to emerge from prison even stronger and more prepared to create success and happiness. That’s what all of my work shows, but for those who want more than to read about prison experiences, I suggest a phone call to my friend, Justin Paperny. He’s been through it, and now has a career helping others master the challenges that accompany confinement.
Today I had to break my exercise into two sessions because of a commitment I made to speak at the camp’s Toastmaster group. I ran 10 miles in the early morning. Then I returned later, after the Toastmaster meeting, to complete my strength training with 500 pushups.
[Consecutive running log: 3,630 miles over the past 409 consecutive days]
[Pushups in 2010: 8,200]
Monday, 25 January 2010
Prison Journal: Day 8,203
January 24, 2010
I frequently speak with men who self-surrender to prison. When they hear that I’ve been incarcerated since 1987, they want to know how I’ve managed to serve so much time without losing my mind.
The truth is that prison has strengthened me on many levels, and I appreciate opportunities to suggest strategies that will help others. Besides an individual routine to advance the mind and spirit, every individual benefits, I’m convinced, by making a commitment to improve physical fitness.
The news reports frequently describe obesity problems in the United States, and I see those problems clearly when new prisoners self-surrender. I suppose that when a person has family, career, and social responsibilities, it becomes easy to disregard the importance of daily exercise. A lack of exercise together with bad eating habits can lead to debilitating health problems. Prison can be a good place to embrace a healthier lifestyle.
When new prisoners begin to incorporate exercise into their daily routines, benefits come quickly. Numerous times, I’ve seen prisoners drop 50 pounds during their first three months in prison. When they lose that weight, their energy level picks up and their health conditions improve. Some men resolve problems with diabetes, hypertension, and blood pressure as they exercise daily. Many overweight people snore loudly when they begin serving their sentences, but as they drop the weight, their snoring ceases to shake the building.
Exercise may begin with walking a few slow laps around the track. Eventually, the prisoner may increase the time he spends walking, or use some of the cardio machines like stationary bicycles or elliptical machines. Prisoners can build up their stamina to jog, or incorporate strength training. The important commitment to stay active, I’m convinced, can make time in prison pass easier and more productively. That’s a message I always share with my fellow prisoners.
This morning I ran my regular 10 miles and I followed the run with 500 pushups.
[Consecutive running log: 3,620 miles over the past 408 days]
[Pushups in 2010: 7,700]
Sunday, 24 January 2010
Prison Journal: Day 8,202
January 23, 2010
It’s a crazy thing growing older in prison. I’m not old, and because of regular daily exercise, I feel vibrant, strong and full of energy. Yet I’m 46 now, and I know that my mind and body is changing. I feel in excellent physical condition, but I don’t run as fast as I ran 15 years ago, and I’m not as strong as I was in my early 20s. These natural changes bring thoughts about what life will be like when I leave prison and begin my life with Carole.
When I began serving this sentence, I was only 23. If relief doesn’t come for my sentence, I’ll serve more than three additional years, meaning both Carole and I will be 49 when we begin living together. We don’t know where we’ll live but we’ve been planning on moving to West Los Angeles. Today I read an article from the New York Times that suggested we ought to consider retirement communities.
That may sound ridiculous to my wife but as I read the article by Kate Murphy, the description of amenities appealed to me. The retirement communities require people to be older than 55, so Carole and I would have to wait a few years to qualify but we would need that time to bolster our financial stability. Homes range between $138,000 to $562,000 with monthly fees from $2,400 to $6,100 depending on square footage. But the price covers housekeeping, home maintenance, utilities, Internet, transportation, fitness facility, classes, social events, and nursing as needed. It sounds like living in a prison community except I’d enjoy the comfort of my wife’s company.
I’m sure that many housing options will exist for Carole and me. We don’t have children, we don’t drink, and we’re both well educated. But I haven’t lived outside of a prison since 1987 and I’m used to the structured time. A disciplined schedule is how I keep my energy level high. I intend to continue that structure when I begin living with my wife and a retirement community doesn’t sound bad. I hope we’ll be able to afford comfortable housing.
To stay fit, I ran 10 miles this morning and I followed my run with 500 pushups.
[Consecutive running log: 3,610 miles over the past 407 days]
[Pushups in 2010: 7,200]
Saturday, 23 January 2010
Prison Journal: Day 8,201
January 22, 2010
One of the privileges of life in federal prison is access to a law library. I’ve never been in a law library outside of prison and I’m sure that prison law libraries pale in comparison to those that lawyers rely upon. But over the decades that I have served, I’ve educated myself by spending thousands of hours reading case law.
Most all federal prisons keep several hundred case books in stock. We have subscriptions to the Federal Supplement series that publishes decisions from federal district courts; we have subscriptions to the Federal Reporter series that publishes decisions from the various U.S. appeals courts; and we have Lawyer’s Editions series that publishes cases from the U.S. Supreme Courts. We also keep a copy of the Shepard’s citations to help us cross reference, the American Jurisprudence legal encyclopedias, the U.S. Code annotated series, and a smattering of other law books.
I sometimes walk to the law library and lose myself in the case law. Today I was looking for legal decisions that revolve around corporate governance issues. I’m particularly interested in Sarbanes-Oxley legislation. Many white-collar offenders serve time because decisions they made as corporate officers violated securities laws that fell under Sarbanes-Oxley. I wanted to read more so I could understand what responsibilities officers of publicly held corporations have to shareholders.
The trick to reading case law effectively is to limit the distractions. That takes discipline and a methodical approach. In every legal decision, the judges support their decision-making with citations of other court decisions. Each legal citation is a distraction, offering tidbits of information that fascinate me, and within minutes I’m pulling different cases off the shelf to follow the trend of logic. I keep a sheet of paper and a pen by my side to write out cases that interest me and to summarize what I’ve learned.
Since I knew that my wife’s responsibilities wouldn’t allow us to visit this weekend, I spent several hours in the library. I’ll likely return on both Saturday and Sunday.
In the morning I exercised by running my usual 10 miles. I followed my run with 500 pushups.
[Consecutive running log: 3,600 miles in 406 days]
[Pushups in 2010: 6,700]
Friday, 22 January 2010
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