Prison Journal: Day 8,148
November 30, 2009
I read the news about a former prisoner who murdered four police officers in Seattle with tremendou sadness. The families of the four police officers suffer because of this horrid crime, and I expect many in the community will blame the criminal justice system, as the murderer had once been serving a sentence of more than 90 years. For some reason, a governor commuted the man’s sentence though I don’t expect the prisoner had worked to earn freedom.
When authorities release prisoners who do not show an absolute commitment to function as law-abiding citizens, they don’t do the system of justice any favors. A commitment to earning freedom means the individual works hard over a lengthy period of time to educate himself and to contribute to society in meaningful ways; it also means the individual works hard to build a support network that has a vested interest in seeing him transition into society as a law-abiding citizen. Earning freedom means an individual strives to make amends for his bad decisions and to strengthen society.
I don’t know how the prisoner persuaded the governor or the parole board to release him, but clearly the prisoner lacked mental stability. As a consequence of his inappropriate release, four leading citizens are murdered, family members and the community suffers, and calls will come for more tough-on-crime policies. The cycle of failure and violence will continue until we begin to think smart on crime rather than tough on crime.
Upon my release, I intend to share what I’ve learned about America’s prison system. The answer is not to measure justice by the turning of calendar pages, but by measuring justice by an individual’s success in reconciling with society. When administrators let the wrong people out of prison, I know that my argument for the change to “earning freedom” becomes much more difficult. But I’ll continue my work as I am convinced that reforms can lead to safer societies.
This morning I ran 10 miles and I followed my run with 300 pushups.
[consecutive running tally: 3,143 miles over the past 352 days]
Monday, 30 November 2009
Prison Journal: Day 8,147
November 29, 2009
An acquaintance of mine, Tom, returned from his first furlough. I met Tom when I transferred from Fort Dix to Florence camp back in 2003, and about a year ago, I was reacquainted with Tom when he transferred here to Taft Camp. I’m glad he was able to spend the Thanksgiving holiday on furlough with his family.
A furlough is a leave of absence from the prison but the time away still counts against the sentence. To qualify for the furlough, the prisoner must be within two years of his release date, and meet other requirements. Wardens have the discretion to grant a furlough to eligible prisoners but some wardens choose not to grant furloughs at all.
A furlough can last for as little as a few hours away from the prison, or as long as several days. I’m not yet eligible for furlough consideration, as my scheduled release date doesn’t come until August of 2013. But it’s a privilege I’m thinking more about now, as we move closer.
I expect to spend Christmas of 2009 and Christmas of 2010 in prison, but in August of 2011, I will move to within two years of my release date. That means if prison reform doesn’t come, or no other type of relief comes from my sentence, I’ll become eligible to request a furlough that would allow me to spend Christmas of 2011 with my wife. My being eligible doesn’t necessarily mean the warden would grant my furlough request, but at least I could ask. It’s something I can look forward to as I pass through Christmas of 2010, which will be my 23rd and 24th Christmas holidays in prison.
This morning I tried to take my mind off the holidays with my run, wearing ear plugs to muffle the noise on the yard. I ran 10 miles and followed with 300 pushups.
[consecutive running tally: 3,133 miles over the past 351 days]
Sunday, 29 November 2009
Prison Journal: Day 8,146
November 28, 2009
With Thanksgiving behind us, we’ve moved directly into the Christmas holiday season. I know Christmas brings many people together for parties and celebrations, and it’s not easy to block the reminders of what I’m missing every year as December arrives and the holiday season commences with gusto.
Here at Taft Camp, two local radio stations spread the spirit by broadcasting Christmas songs 24 hours each day until after the new year. By next week, enthusiastic orderlies will decorate the housing units and the visiting room with wrapping paper and ornaments, making the holidays more difficult to ignore. I have flashes of memory of Christmas seasons spent at home, but that was so long ago that they are overwritten with memories of all the holidays I’ve passed in prison. I don’t think I’ve had any Christmas visits with my parents or sisters during my imprisonment, but Carole has spent four of the past eight Christmas days with me in the visiting room. We don’t expect to be together this Christmas day because she’ll be working.
Despite the constant reminders that holidays are upon us, prisoners sometimes find it easier to hibernate through the season. It’s painful to yearn for family, affection, and all the festivities that last through the end of the year. I’ve learned to look forward to the new calendar year that follows Christmas, and to focus on completing a milestone–the passing of another year–that brings me closer to release. This year is a fulcrum of sorts, because it’s my 23rd consecutive Christmas in prison—that means I’ve spent as many Christmas days in prison as I did in freedom, before my imprisonment.
To pass through this first weekend of the 2009 holiday season, I began the day outlining a project that I intend to write during the first half of 2010. I’m thinking of content I’ll add to my web site that will facilitate the career I want to build upon my release. Planning that work takes hours. I met with my friend Steve, who has extensive experience with technology, to describe my vision and discuss possibilities.
The early morning was damp and cold, but the weather doesn’t interfere with my commitment to fitness and I enjoyed my daily 10 mile run.
[consecutive running log: 3,123 miles in 350 days]
Prison Journal: Day 8,144
November 26, 2009
Today marks my 23rd consecutive Thanksgiving holiday as a federal prisoner. I’m spending the day writing new content for my web site. In the morning I ran 10 miles and followed with 300 pushups.
Click on the link to read my Thanksgiving entry: http://prisonnewsblog.com/2009/11/twenty-three-thanksgivings-in-prison/
[consecutive running log: 3,110 miles in 348 days]
Prison Journal: Day 8,143
November 25, 2009
I’m scheduled for a meeting with my unit team today. Unit team meetings are scheduled every six months for prisoners who have longer than one year to serve, and every three months for prisoners with release dates within one year.
According to the Bureau of Prisons policy, several staff members attend the unit team meetings–the unit manager, the case manager, the counselor, a psychologist, and a staff member from the education department. In practice, only the case manager and counselor preside over the unit team meetings for camp inmates.
The unit team meetings present an opportunity for a formal review of the prisoner’s progress over a six month period. The case manager discusses the prisoner’s scheduled release date, his participation in educational programs, his disciplinary record, job reports, and financial obligations. The counselor reviews the prisoner’s visiting and telephone lists, and the prisoner may ask questions.
Ms. Oliver and Ms. Mickleberry, the case manager and counselor who preside over my progress here at Taft Camp have been supportive of the efforts I make to prepare for release. To the extent that they’re able, they express sympathy for the length of time I’ve served, but they don’t have any authority to advance my release date. Still, I appreciate their kindness. I don’t expect any news to come during my team meetings, as release will not come for me until more calendar pages turn, so I simply keep preparing.
Before I meet with the unit team in the afternoon I will run 10 miles, then I’ll meet with my friend Steve to discuss steps I can take to improve my web presence in 2010. When I meet with my unit team, even though it isn’t necessary, I will describe the goals I’m setting to carry me through the next year. I’ll be scheduled for another team meeting in June of 2010, and by then I expect to complete several goals that will contribute to my success upon release—whenever it comes.
[consecutive running log: 3,100 miles in 347 days]
Prison Journal: Day 8,142
November 24, 2009
I ordered a new pair of running shoes on the second day of this month and today, only three weeks later, I received them. I was expecting to wait six weeks for delivery. I ran more than 800 miles on my previous pair, which have been the most comfortable running shoes I’ve had throughout my term. The upper cloth of the shoes tore about one month ago and I wasn’t sure whether they would last until my new shoes were delivered. I ordered the same model.
One of my friends here at Taft Camp, Steve, asked about my fitness routine. He thought my compulsion to run every day was an obsession that could lead to injury. Fitness has been an integral part of my prison adjustment ever since the beginning, but I’ve altered the routine a few times over the years.
During my first year of confinement, while I was locked in jails around the Seattle area waiting for trial, I limited my exercise to pushups in my cell. In 1988, once I transferred to the penitentiary in Atlanta I began training for strength with heavy weights. After I turned 30, in 1994, I began to incorporate distance running into my routine. Gradually through the 1990s I transitioned from weight training to running as my primary fitness exercise, incorporating pull ups and dips for strength.
By 2006, when I turned 42, running longer distances became more therapeutic for me. I was approaching my 20th consecutive year in prison, meeting young prisoners who were born after I started my term, and running helped clear my mind of the life and opportunities that imprisonment had blocked me from. While running I could think about the future I wanted o build rather than dwell on what I had missed.
In 2007, when I transferred to Taft Camp, I began running with fewer days off for rest, and on December 12, 2008, I made the decision to run every day, without taking any days off. Since I don’t run fast, I spare myself the need for recuperation. I run 10 miles every day except Fridays, my scheduled visiting days with Carole, when I run only three miles. By running 63 miles each week, I feel better physically and mentally, as if I’m running closer to home.
Some of the commitment may seem obsessive, but the steady exercise helps me keep a positive attitude, and I feel a sense of control over a portion of my life. I’m glad I received a new pair of running shoes today that will last me through the next 800 miles.
[consecutive running log: 3,090 miles in 346 days]
Prison Journal: Day 8,141
November 23, 2009
Today is my sister Julie’s birthday and I’m sad because my limitation of telephone minutes will not allow me to call her. Julie has been supportive of me from the first day my prison journey began back in 1987, and since then I’ve missed 23 of her birthdays because of my imprisonment. I’m looking forward to release, a time when I won’t have these restrictions that block me from nurturing family and community ties. For now, my physical community is limited to the boundaries of Taft prison camp.
Although more than 500 other prisoners share these boundaries with me, I live an isolated existence here. I think of the goals I set as rungs on a ladder, and no matter what, I know I’m climbing closer to the opening that will bring me home. Currently I have two friends at Taft Camp, Steve and David, both of whom will return to their families within the next week. Yesterday, Steve hosted a pizza luncheon for David and me. After discussing the goals I’m setting to carry me through 2010, David entertained us with descriptions of his safari adventures to Africa. As I listened to David talk about sleeping in open-air rooms with lions prowling beneath them, and watching from his balcony as elephants march through jungles, I was reminded of how much I’ve missed of the world.
I’m writing this journal entry at 3:20 in the morning, about two hours into my day. It is the first day of radio stations broadcasting holiday music and I’ve already heard three Christmas songs. I know this is a festive season for people across the world, but it’s the start of a slower month for me. When my two friends Steve and David leave, I’ll have my work to keep me company but I won’t have any close interactions with others. I’m thinking that 2010 may bring a year of more introspection, probably necessary time to contemplate the challenges I must overcome upon release.
The current issue of Time magazine featured an article on posttraumatic stress disorder, describing the mental challenges that complicate the lives of one out of five soldiers who return from war. I wonder whether any type of stress will come with my return to society after so many years in confinement. I feel completely well-adjusted and prepared for to build my career.
I’ll be happy to return to society, but until my release, I’ll use a pen and paper to record thoughts that come to me as I advance through the final months of my imprisonment. I’m looking forward to building my Internet platform and to writing more about the prison experience, and I look forward to reaching new, measurable fitness goals. Later this morning I’ll run another 10 miles, and I’ll follow with 300 pushups.
[consecutive running log: 3,080 miles over the past 345 consecutive days]
Monday, 23 November 2009
Prison Journal: Day 8,140
November 22, 2009
Last September my friend and partner Brad Fullmer drove up from Los Angeles to visit me and I just received the picture we took during the
Michael with Brad Fullmer
visit. I met Brad through my friend and other partner, Justin Paperny, who spent about one year at Taft Camp. Both are partners because they’ve been supportive of my work, and as I wrote about in my manuscript, Earning Freedom, Justin and Brad will play a role in the career I want to build upon release.
It’s always a privilege for me to make new friends, and Brad is especially interesting because of the years he played in major league baseball. After graduating from high school, he entered the draft and the Montreal Expos selected him in the first round. Brad is one of the few players to have hit a home run at his first major league at bat. He distinguished his career further by stealing home plate during a World Series game when he played for the California Angels.
When I ‘m released, I hope to build a career as a speaker and consultant. Brad and Justin will join me in these efforts to offer strategies we all embrace that can assist others in reaching their highest potential. My expertise comes from the context of triumphing over adversity, but the lessons I’ve learned translate into areas besides the criminal justice system. With Brad and Justin working together with me, we expect to contribute to many segments of society.
Justin has begun this career already, building experience as a speaker on ethics. He speaks to university and corporate audiences, describing the importance of leading a values-based life. Besides speaking on ethics, Justin offers consulting services for individuals about to encounter the criminal justice system, and I know he’s offering a great service to assuage anxieties while preparing others to make the most of difficult situations.
It’s a privilege for me to have friends and partners like Justin and Brad. Visiting limitations don’t allow me to see them too often, but I look forward to working with them upon my release.
This morning I ran 10 miles.
[consecutive running log: 3,070 miles in 344 days]
Prison Journal: Day 8,139
November 21, 2009
My new book, Earning Freedom, will not be coming to market until after my release, and when it does, it will not be with St. Martin’s Press. Carole and I intend to build my career around this new book, a story that describes my long journey and maturity through prison, but St. Martin’s Press has not offered the level of support we expect from our publishing partner. Despite the success that came with wide distributions for Inside, both Carole and I anticipate that Earning Freedom will reach a much broader audience. To realize that goal, I need to be in society and available to promote the book through television, radio, Internet and a national speaking tour. We cannot make this happen if I’m still in prison and we cannot make this happen without a full commitment from our publishing partner.
Carole asked whether St. Martin’s Press disappointed me and I had to think before I could respond. I’m a prisoner and I’ve been a prisoner since 1987. Living with these restrictions has conditioned me to look inward for sources of validation, and the message I try to convey through my work is that regardless of the decisions that others make, each of us is responsible to navigate the path to success and happiness. I would have liked to begin marketing my work with St. Martin’s now while I conclude this prison term, but the limitations of confinement presents hurdles that the publisher has chosen not to cross with me, and that lack of commitment will lead me to a new publisher when I leave prison boundaries.
In light of this development, one that I’ll keep to myself and internalize for awhile, I’ll have to decide what kind of projects I can pursue through 2010. I know my exercise schedule as I’ve made the commitment to run 3,000 miles and strength train with 1,000 pushups. Progress toward those goals will be easy for me to measure. But I also need to identify some writing and career-preparation goals, and I’m thinking about that now. Before the end of this year, I intend to draw the new map that I will follow through 2010.
This morning I ran 10 miles and I followed with 300 pushups.
[consecutive running log: 3,060 miles over the past 343 days]
Saturday, 21 November 2009
Prison Journal: Day 8,138
November 20, 2009
Before sleeping each night I read at least one passage from the Bible. I’m not deeply religious as most people would measure that term–I don’t attend worshipping services or participate in prayer groups. By reading passages of the Bible every night, and thanking God for the blessings bestowed upon my family, I strengthen my spirit. Last night, after concluding a book from the New Testament, I turned back to the book of Genesis to read the passage of Jacob, the brother of Esau. I wanted to read about his dream of the ladder.
That passage of Jacob’s ladder reminds me somewhat of this journey I’m on in prison. In Jacob’s case, he had to flee from his family and he was separated for more than 20 years before his return home. Like Jacob, I feel as if I’m climbing a ladder, with each day bringing me another rung closer to the top, when I’ll leave prison forever and return to my family.
After more than 22 years, of course, my family has changed in significant ways. Both my grandfather and my father have passed away. My youngest sister, Christina, has two daughters, one of whom is in her junior year at Florida State University, and the other is in junior high, but my imprisonment has rendered me a stranger to Christina’s family. My older sister, Julie, also has a family of her own, but because of the prison’s visiting and telephone restrictions, I only connect for a few hours each year. My mother lives in Florida and the thousands of miles between us along with the decades I’ve served, keep me on the periphery. My only real connection with the world is Carole, my wife, and although I take another step closer to her every day, until my release we must make the most of any time prison authorities authorize us to spend together. Carole has joined me on this ladder, climbing one step closer to our beginning each day.
In 52 days, Carole will resume nursing school until the end of 2010. If I’m still in prison when she graduates, I may request a transfer to a prison that will allow us to visit more frequently than once each week. Even though we’ve been climbing this ladder together for eight years, I can sense that prison is wearing on my wife, and we need to strengthen our connection with more frequent visits.
Before my visit with Carole this morning, I had a light exercise session, running only three miles and not following with any strength training.
[consecutive running log: 3,050 miles over the past 342 days]
Friday, 20 November 2009
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