Prison Journal: Day 7,945
May 11, 2009
I feel fortunate to be serving these final months of my sentence at Taft Federal prison camp. I’ve been confined here for two years, and the living conditions together with the way administrators operate this camp make it much less stressful than any other prison I’ve experienced. What I like most is the level of freedom I have here.
I am required to clean two moderate-sized rooms each day as my prison job. One of the rooms is a television room and the other is a quiet room where I spend many hours each day writing. I sweep and mop the floors, wipe the tables, clean the windows, and dust the ledges. Since I write in the quiet room from the 3:00 AM until 6:00 AM, and again from 9:00 AM until 5:00 PM, I find it easy to maintain the level of cleanliness that administrators expect.
I’ve never had this much freedom to write. In all of the other prisons where I’ve been held, staff required me to perform makeshift work that wasted time. Those prisons were less supportive of efforts I make to prepare for a law-abiding life upon release. In fact, I frequently felt staff obstructing my efforts to prepare for release.
In other prisons, the housing units would not even allow the space for me to sit in a quiet room writing. Prison bunks pack all of the rooms. I really value the time alone. It allows me the space I need to think about how I must prepare for home.
I feel these preparations becoming more and more crucial. This morning I began writing at 3:07. I intend to finish a draft of this new chapter before Thursday. I had hoped to finish yesterday, but I have expanded the work to include more of my initial experiences as a prisoner. As long as I finish this week, I will stay on schedule.
I’ve begun running at 6:00 because the summer sun has come to this area of California. Even at 6:00 I exercise in shorts and running shoes only. Today I ran 10 miles and followed with 400 pushups. My tally now stands at 1,327 miles over 150 days of consecutive running. That is five months without a day off. I like it.
Monday, 11 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,944
May 10, 2009
Last night I went to bed at five in the afternoon. I woke at 3:00, which meant I was well rested with nearly 10 hours of sleep. That made for a productive writing session. I have written an estimated 9,000 words on this second version of the chapter. I feel pleased with the work though I will wait for responses from my first reader before I express too much optimism. I’m sending the documents to Carole today for typing.
Tomorrow morning I will continue writing. I have another 3,000 to 5,000 words I want to write in the opening section. Then I must return to the proposal itself and spend several days refining it. My hopes are to have the entire document ready for the ltierary agent who represents me by mid-summer. We’ll see.
Following my morning writing, I went to run. I ran 10 miles at a much faster pace than usual. I now have 1,317 miles logged over the past 149 days. I spent the afternoon writing a new article for change.org. I wrote about the parole system and expressed my thoughts on why prison reform ought to bring back parole. I wrote a similar article last week for PrisonTalk. My new article for change.org ought to run on Monday, 18 May 2009.
It is Mother’s Day, and I’m sad that I do not have access to sufficient phone minutes. I cannot use the phone to call my mother, my grandmother, or my two sisters. I hate this terrible disruption to my family and community as a consequence of this phone system. In fewer than three more years, this will end for me.
Sunday, 10 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,942
May 8, 2009
The Taft Prison Camp is playing three very good movies this weekend. I will not be watching any, as I must keep my routine of sleeping early and waking early in order to meet my writing goals. I really want to finish the draft of this chapter I’m working on, and that requires sacrifice. I’ll watch the movies with Carole once I’m released.
I have seen news reports of President Obama looking to save taxpayer dollars by eliminating unnecessary spending. Perhaps someone ought to take a look at how we live in federal prison camps. Without fences to hold us, we serve time under the honor system, though I really question the purpose. To think that 20 percent of the federal prison population serves time under such conditions seems a real waste of taxpayer resources. As a former warden told me, prisoners in camps ought to serve their sanctions in community-based programs which do not burden society with wasteful spending.
Carole and I did not visit today, as she continues to accumulate work hours before her move. I miss seeing her, holding her, talking to her. We will not visit until the 22nd of this month, so I still have two weeks to pass.
I ran only five miles today. I wanted to let my body rest a bit, though I expect to complete 64 miles this week. My tally now stands at 1,297 miles over the past 147 days.
Friday, 8 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,941
May 7, 2009
I go to sleep this evening with a little more hope regarding my petition for executive clemency. Receiving a commutation is a long shot and I feel convinced that prison reform legislation should include a more effective system for clemency review. A system that provides no mechanism for review of prisoners after years or decades pass fails to serve the needs of an enlightened society. I have hope in President Obama’s leadership.
Over the years I have built significant support from the academic arena. My earlier work with universities, together with my writing projects, has brought me into relationships with some of America’s leading penologists. Some have become close friends and mentors to me. I remain grounded in reality, of course. The worst case is that I serve about three years before I release to a halfway house. The plans that Carole and I have made ensure that we are ready for that likelihood. I feel proud that my writing and publishing generated our ability to put Carole through nursing school, and I feel other preparations I’ve made will help me triumph over the obstacles that thwart so many other long-term prisoners. Still, I would feel blessed to return home sooner, and with more support I know a commutation of my sentence becomes more possible.
My focus must remain on the steps I can take to prepare for release. This morning I began writing at 3:45. It was a later start than I would have liked, but I needed the rest after last night’s presentation for the TOAD group. I ran only nine miles, bringing my tally up to 1,292 miles over the past 146 consecutive days.
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,940
May 6, 2009
My work began at 2:30 this morning and I did not finish until after 9:00 this evening. I don’t think I’ve had a longer day of work and I hope to rest well through the night.
Besides writing for the entire day, I participated in a community service program for our group Those Outspoken Against Drugs, TOAD. Usually we speak with at-risk adolescents, but this evening we spoke for members of a youth church group from the Taft community. Thirty people comprised our audience and they ranged in age from 12 to 20. The group was attentive, even though they did not appear vulnerable to criminal influences. We had a total of 13 TOAD members participating in the group, and many brought an enthusiasm that those in the audience really enjoyed. Lou, one of the older members of the group, provides a powerful message about how partying and drug abuse led to a failed academic career, a lifetime struggle with addiction, and all the pains that accompany a lengthy prison sentence.
Malik spoke about how he began carrying guns to school in junior high, and how those decisions resulted in five felony convictions. Eddie offered a horrid prison experience for the audience to ponder, describing how he lost his mother, his father, and his son while serving time.
Our star speaker is Benny, who described how sales of drugs derailed a brilliant future. Benny came to prison in his early 20s, despite opportunities to play college basketball and pursue a career as a recording artist. He is a rapper, and a talented performer. For each of our TOAD group presentations, Benny raps for the audience. He is versatile, too; as he writes raps that are specific for the group. In today’s performance, Benny rapped about his love for Christ.
In the morning I ran 10 miles, brining my total to 1,283 miles over the past 145 consecutive days. I also made good progress with my writing.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,939
May 5, 2009
Early this morning I finished reading When Prisoners Come Home a book by Professor Joan Petersilia, who teaches at Stanford Law. With the heavy writing schedule I now have, my time for reading has diminshed. Early this year I set a goal of reading 25 books during 2009. Thus far I’ve only read seven books, and if I were on schedule, I would have read ten. I will have to find time to catch up.
When Prisoners Come Home is a scholarly book that has significant meaning to me for obvious reasons. I feel as if I am well prepared for the challenges that await my release, though reading the stark realities that Professor Petersilia described motivates me to work harder through these remaining months that I must serve.
I expect to face high hurdles. For many years I’ve written about those expectations. This book confirms that employers reject consideration of people who have been released from prison, as do lenders, landlords, and other citizens in society. I must have a strategy in place to triumph over these hurdles.
Today I made good progress on this second version of the sample chapter for the manuscript proposal. I am enthusiastic about this version, as it feels better to write in the first person, present tense. I expect to finish drafting this new chapter by Sunday.
Certainly, I will finish writing at least one book before my release. My hopes are to finish two manuscripts and to have publishing arrangements in place for both. If I succeed, those projects will open speaking and consulting opportunities sufficient to overcome the employment hurdles that confront other long-term prisoners. I am grateful to have mentors who will assist my transition.
I ran 10 miles today and followed with 250 pushups. Then I returned to write. I now have run 1,273 miles over the past 144 consecutive days. I feel good about setting and achieving these goals. I intend to exercise every remaining day that I serve in prison, as emerging physically fit is an essential component of my release preparations.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,938
May 4, 2009
Yesterday I did not have much success with efforts to write a different version of the sample chapter for my new manuscript. I began several openings, some in past tense and others in present tense. I lay to sleep last night at six and I thought about the work and the importance I deem it to have to my future. I tried mapping the opening in my mind, and that effort stayed with me through the night.
I woke this morning at 2:30 and came to work. After writing a blog article, I began the new chapter again. This time the work flowed easier. One sentence after another built cohesive paragraphs. By 7:30 I had a solid opening that I felt much better about.
I went outside to exercise. The weather has turned warmer and I like that. I ran 10 miles and followed with 350 pushups. The dizziness that had been bothering me for longer than one week was absent. I now have run 1,263 miles over the past 143 consecutive days.
Following my exercise I resumed my work on the chapter. During the run I thought about where I wanted to bring the reader. I did not listen to music. I heard my steps crunching on the track and I felt the elements on my skin, but my mind remained focused on my work.
I am writing this version in the first person, telling the story as if I’m living it. The first version of the sample chapter describes the story as it unfolded over the past 22 years. I look forward to finishing the sample chapter I’m working on now. If I continue a high level of productivity as I enjoyed today, I ought to finish the sample chapter in time to send it home for typing on Monday morning.
Monday, 4 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,937
May 3, 2009
Yesterday I felt very good about the sample chapter I had written for the new manuscript. This morning I changed my mind. I’m not sure whether I have the skills to write this story differently, but I think that I need to try. I worked on it for several hours today.
My initial draft of the sample chapter has told the story as if I’m dispensing advice from a self-help book. This approach suits me fine, as I try to show how the adversity of imprisonment is at its core: adversity. That means it is simlar to adversities that afflict every other person. Through the chapter and the book I was hoping to offer readers effective strategies for triumphing over adversity, regardless of what adversity they faced.
Then I read a letter I received from Carol, a friend and mentor of mine for many years. She wrote the letter longer than one year ago, when I was going to make an attempt at writing this book. Carol looked at the opening pages of my previous draft and urged me to write differently, as if a memoir in the first person.
At the time, Carol’s letter discouraged me because I didn’t want to write about my life before prison. My life, to me, feels as if the only relevance I’ve had has been through my prison experience. I couldn’t conceive of writing the book in accordance with Carol’s suggestions. For one thing, I lacked the writing skills and for another, I didn’t want to glorify or sensationalize my life as a coke dealer. The story of Blow has been told, and my history was not as colorful.
This morning I read Carol’s letter and I had a different reaction. Perhaps I can try harder, I thought. This is a time where I wish I had a word processor and e-mail, as I’d like a closer collaboration. I wrote several hours today, though each new start needed more work. I’m going to try to write a new sample chapter, and when I finish, I willl send them both to Carol for comments. This intial chapter is crucial because it sets the tone for the rest of the manuscript.
I ran 10 miles and concluded with strength traning this morning. I now have a tally of 1,253 miles over the past 142 consecutive days.
Sunday, 3 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,936
May 2, 2009
I’m in a new month now and that always brings thoughts about how many more must pass before I begin my life at home. People in society may think it foolish for me to obsess over time. I’m regularly contemplating how many months of imprisonment I have behind me and how many more I am scheduled to serve. The literature I read makes this an essential topic.
Today I expect to finish reading Professor Petersilia’s book When Prisoners Come Home. The academic book paints a disturbing picture about chances for success upon release. The potential for failure that awaits all prisoners really overwhelms me. This book provides statistics showing the percentage of employers who would never consider hiring an individual with a prison record, the number of landlords who would never rent to a former prisoner, the number of lenders who would never extend credit to a former prisoner. I’m always thinking about the challenges that await me.
According to my scheduled release date I have 51 months until my commitment to the Bureau of Prisons ends. With halfway house I will likely return to the community in about three years. Parole and prison reform legislation could advance my release date further.
In light of the challenges I expect to encounter, I must use the time I have remaining in the most productive manner possible. I began my work this morning at 3:15 with thoughts about how I want to emerge. Carole and I discuss these issues each week.
I need to work hard to secure another publishing deal so that I have a book that hits the market concurrently with my release. I expect to submit a proposal with sample chapters to the literary agent who represents my work before the summer’s end. Besides the book, I must continue to work toward building a stronger internet presence. My web presence ought to generate credibility, a stream of revenue, and a brand with thousands of pages of content that I can monetize upon release. Those components of my plan will help me launch a career as a speaker, consultant, author, teacher, publisher, and broadcaster upon release.
I also must nurture my marriage and stay in excellent physical condition. Today I ran 10 miles, boosting my tally to 1,243 miles in 141 days. I will not rest until I am home.
Saturday, 2 May 2009
Prison Journal: Day 7,935
May 1, 2009
Today I finished writing an article about a former CEO who attempted suicide as a response to embezzlement problems. The man struggled with bipolar disorder, and he said that mood swings compelled his actions that led to imprisonment. When I interviewed him for the story, I was trying to gather information for Professor Jana Schrenkler’s ethics class. I did not know about the man’s mental health problems.
Many people in prison suffer from mental disorders. The newspapers have been reporting recently on how prisons have became the de facto mental institutions because the states have been diverting money from health care to corrections. These types of environments lack the personnel to work with the disabled. In camps like the one where I am confined now, the problem is not as pronounced as in higher security facilities. I still feel very fortunate to serve those final months of my sentence at Taft Camp. By far, it is the easiest prison where I have been confined.
I began my work at 2:30 this morning. I ran 10 miles and followed with some light strenght training. My running tally is 1,233 miles over the past 140 days. I spent the remainder of the day editing the sample chapter from the new book proposal. I think it is stronger after the four hours I spent going over it. I will edit again tomorrow, then work on the front material for the proposal.
Carole and I did not visit today. She is planning to visit toward the end of this month, after she settles into her new residence. I’m okay with this adjustment to our schedule because we planned for the suspension together. Someday we won’t have to endure these long separations, but as a prison family they are a part of our life. I will use the extra time to advance my writing projects.
Friday, 1 May 2009
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