My 7,845th Day in Federal Prison
January 31, 2009
Saturday, 31 January 2009
When I hopped down from my rack this morning, at 1:30, I still felt tired. The visits with my wife take a lot out of me. We had a wonderful day together, just sitting and holding hands and discussing our future. I did some editing when I returned, but slept easily. Despite a solid six hours of sleep, I still felt tired when I began the day.
I wrote one blog, and it was count time when I finished. The 3:00 a.m. census count kept me away from the desk for about 10 minutes, then I returned to finish the blog. At 4:00 a.m., I decided to nap until the 5:00 a.m. census count. When I returned to the table where I write, I planned my next article.
I felt content simply to sit in the room alone. While sitting at the table in the early-morning hours, I thought about what life must be like for people who were not locked in prison. In their home, they must have so many options. They could choose quiet time whenever it suited them. As a prisoner, that concept has become foreign to me. I reminded myself that freedom, or some semblance that would be possible after prison, was coming. For the time being, early morning solitude in the quiet room was a blessing I could appreciate.
I went to run at 7:00 a.m. After ten miles I had 450 miles recorded over 50 consecutive days. My tally for the month of January was 284 miles. By keeping this discipline up I would surpass my distance record set in 2008.
In the afternoon and evening I edited the manuscript. That work requires me to read every word aloud, several times, as I search for typos and listen to the cadence of the language. I was in bed by 6:30 in the evening, and asleep by 7:00 p.m.
My 7,844th Day in Federal Prison
January 30, 2009
Friday, 30 January 2009
I pressed the indiglo button on my Timex watch this morning when my eyes opened and I saw that it was 2:00 a.m. I began writing 15 minutes later.
Fridays are a big day for me because I’m scheduled to visit with Carole. This morning, I wanted to finish a lot of writing before our visit. I was productive. By 6:00 a.m. I had completed four blog posts and a letter. I then put my writing away so I could go outside for a run.
As I was running, I had some thoughts about combining both the Prison Reform Blog and the Prison News Blog. I’ve written 80 posts so far in January, and I’m thinking it might be better to offer readers all of that content on one blog with different categories. We’ll see what my wife says during our visit.
Now I must shower and get ready. I ran only three miles today. That means I’ve logged 446 miles in 49 days of running. After my visit I will devote at least one hour to editing.
My 7,843rd Day In Federal Prison
January 29, 2009
Thursday, 29 January 2009
I’m writing this blog entry at 6:06 on Thursday morning. Generally I write my blog entries for my daily journal at the end of the day, or very early the following morning. Today I began writing at 1:40 a.m., so I’ve already had a full and productive day of work with more than 16 handwritten pages of various blog entries. Instead of waiting until tomorrow morning to record my activities for today, I’m writing my journal entry now.
I’m pleased to have completed five separate blog postings so early in the morning. I strive to make every day of my confinement productive. This is the strategy that has guided me through more than 21 years of imprisonment. I announce what I intend to accomplish through my published values and goals, then I invite readers to hold me accountable through regular reporting on my activities.
In the past, I wrote quarterly reports. This year, I began recording my daily activities. I hope to help others understand more about life in confinement, so I live my life as an open book and invite comments from readers. Since prison administrators restrict my access to telephone calls, these daily recordings also apprise family and friends of how I live inside these boundaries.
I hope that daily descriptions ease the pain that my mother and sisters feel as a consequence of the phone restrictions that prohibit me from calling them. Someday my imprisonment will end and I’ll be able to reconnect. For now, I must reserve my 10-minute allotment of telephone time for my wife, Carole.
Carole has been with me through this prison term since 2002. In some ways she senses that I am more stressed as my release date comes closer. I don’t recognize the stress that she describes. I simply feel that I must work harder than ever to prepare for the challenges that await my release. That is why I begin my work so early in the morning, and the reason I am running longer distances than ever before. I must prepare.
In 30 minutes I am scheduled to appear at health services. I presume the nurse wants to give me the tetanus shot she spoke about during my physical a few days ago. After I report there, I will walk to the track. I intend to run 10 miles, which will lift my tally to 443 miles over 48 consecutive days of running. I noticed a slight pain near my hip this morning, but that will not interfere with my exercise.
After my run, I’ll spend the rest of the day editing the lengthy manuscript. Without access to computers, this work requires much more labor than most writers endure. Still, I’m making progress, and I’m convinced the efforts will contribute to my success upon release. I may find time to write another article or two, and of course I’ll write a letter expressing my love to Carole. Tomorrow, Friday, we’re scheduled to visit. I’m eager to hold my wife again.
My 7,842nd Day in Federal Prison
January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
My day began before 2:00 a.m. Last night I received an envelope from Carole that contained a considerable amount of correspondence from readers and visitors to my Web sites. Since I had to respond to many people today, I began early. After writing two blog entries, I turned to the correspondence. That work kept me busy until 6:15 a.m. I ran early again because I was scheduled to meet with the TOAD group at 8:00 a.m. One of the envelopes I received came from Angila, a teacher from Pennsylvania. She has been using a book I wrote to help educate at-risk kids. The students really enjoyed learning from my book and Angila included letters from eight of her students. They wanted me to write them with more information about what it has been like to live in prison for so many years.
I brought the package of letters I had received to the TOAD meeting and shared them with our group’s staff sponsor as well as the other members of the group. Since the teacher wanted her students to write regularly, I invited the other TOAD participants to join me in responding to the students. They expressed enthusiasm for writing about their prison experiences and sending them to the kids.
These types of projects accomplish many goals. They help kids who are at-risk develop a better understanding of the perils that come with criminal choices; they motivate prisoners to connect with society; they provide the teacher with original and creative content; they offer prisoners opportunities to develop their writing and communication skills. By making the letter-writing project a part of TOAD, I first had to seek permission from the staff sponsor. We’re waiting for that permission from her superior.
My running tally now reads 433 miles in 47 continuous days, as I logged 10 miles before my meeting with TOAD. I’ve run 261 miles so far in 2009.
Other than some editing I did on the manuscript I’ve been working on, I spent the afternoon and early evening responding to more correspondence. Since all of my writing is now done in longhand, the hours I devote are extensive, regularly requiring 16-hour days. I’m grateful for the work. It keeps my mind focused and sublimates my time in prison. Without the typewriter, however, my correspondence to family and my time available for reading has diminished. In prison, I find that I constantly must choose how I’m going to allocate my time. With release coming sooner, I focus primarily on the preparations I must make for release.
My 7,841st Day In Federal Prison
January 27, 2009
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Last night I lay down at 5:58 in the evening. I pulled my beanie over my eyes to block the light and was asleep by 6:00 p.m. I was tired from the work I had done, and from leading a class that required me to speak for two hours. Besides being tired, I wanted to sleep earlier so I could wake even earlier.
My eyes opened at 1:15 a.m., which was fine because by then I had had plenty of rest. I hopped down from my rack and gathered my gear. By 1:50, I was sitting alone in the quiet room to write. I really cherished the alone time. I felt as if I were in my own office at home, although I have neither a home nor an office. When I do, I hope that I will have more writing and communication tools than a Biz pen and white paper. It will be a real treat to sit in front of my own computer, with internet access and a telephone. Those are privileges I cannot imagine at present; I can’t even access a typewriter.
I began my morning writing a blog entry describing my previous day. Then I wrote an article about a gangbanger and a lifer. It’s the story of Walt Jones, who was a participant in the Entrepreneurial Compass class I facilitate. Following that story, I wrote another blog in response to the questions on the PSI from the law student.
I had a medical appointment at 7:30, so I put my writing gear away in time for me to make it to the track by 6:00. I ran seven miles, returned to my housing unit for a quick shower and shave, then walked to the medical department. Expecting to wait, I brought a news magazine with me.
I didn’t have to wait long at all. I had signed up for a physical on my 45th birthday. I’d never had a full physical, and I reasoned that I had reached an age that I ought to begin accumulating some records on my health. My blood pressure was 129/78. When I told those numbers to my wife, she said that it was higher than the last time I’d had a measurement but she attributed to higher level to the run I had completed 20 minutes before my exam. My pulse was 58. The nurse did not draw blood because she said I was healthy; I feel strong. She checked my prostate and said I was fine. The nurse scheduled me for a tetanus shot.
The exam lasted less than 30 minutes. I returned to the track and ran three more miles. My log would now show I’ve run 423 miles in 46 straight days.
I spent the afternoon and early evening editing the manuscript I’ve been working on. I expect to finish the edit by the first week of February. Then I must write some ancillary work to accompany it. I have much to keep me busy, and I’m grateful.
My 7,840th Day In Federal Prison
January 26, 2009
Monday, 26 January 2009
This morning I sat down at the desk where I write at 3:15. Since I finished the first draft of the long writing project I had begun last Thanksgiving, I sat down without a clean idea of what I need to write. After looking through my collection of envelopes, I found some questions regarding the presentence investigation process that I had received from a law student. I responded to two of those questions in the form of blogs.
Then I turned to a newspaper article I saw describing an executive order that President Obama had signed on his second day in office. I had seen some brief coverage of that order regarding transparency in government. The newspaper article offered more detail. I wrote a blog for describing what the order means for other prisoners and me.
Further review of mail I had received included a dialogue my wife, Carole, had begun with readers of The Huffington Post. I am very much concerned with every opportunity to reach into the blogosphere and connecting. The many books I have read convince me that frequent blog postings can help bring attention to causes and launch movements. With that in mind, I wrote my reaction to the blog comment that Carole posted and I made some suggestions on strategies she might use to bring more attention to our brand.
After that letter to Carole, I wrote a blog comment myself and sent it home with hopes that Carole would find the time to post the comment on some of the many online forums available on the Internet. I’m trying any strategy to connect with society. The goal challenges me because I have only pens and paper, and I must rely on others to post my work. I’m contemplating steps I can take to spread the burden so I’m not imposing too much on Carole.
I ran 10 miles today. That brought my 45-day tally of continuous running to 413 miles. I enjoy this progress toward extending my record of continuous days. I feel as if I’m running home. I now have 241 miles in the books for 2009. This number puts me ahead of schedule and positioned to surpass the 2,600 miles I ran in 2008.
After my run I spent time preparing for the two-hour class I teach. This class is called The Entrepreneurial Compass. We had 26 participants today, several of whom had led successful businesses prior to their imprisonment.
I interviewed a former gang member for a brief story I will write on him tomorrow morning. In the evening I read through my news magazines. I slept at six. I felt exhausted from a full, productive day.
My 7,389th Day In Federal Prison
January 25, 2009
Sunday, 25 January 2009.
I began writing at 3:30 this morning and I felt pleased to complete a first draft of the writing project I began working last Thanksgiving. I wrote in the predawn hours every day since I began, and edited in the later hours of each day. With today’s work, I’ve completed 203 pages
Upon completing the early-morning writing, I went to run. The sky was still dark as I began at 6:20. I ran 10 miles. As I ran, I thought about steps I could take to resolve this complication presented by the new rule that prohibits me from using typewriters. I need to find typists who can transcribe my written pages into digital content. Resolving this kind of issue is a real challenge for me because prison rules also preclude me from being able to seek assistance through telephone calls. I’ll be writing a lot of letters.
By the end of my run, I had broken through 400 miles. My records would now show that over the past 44 days of continuous running, I logged 403 miles. Following my run I showered then began a lengthy love letter to Carole. I wrote about our future and the energy we must invest to ensure our marriage remains strong. She has been helping me with my work for several years now, but with her nursing and studies, the demands of keeping up are proving too much. In my letter, I promised that I would find others to help me overcome the obstacles that prison administration erect to slow my preparation for success upon release.
I spent the afternoon writing blogs. Then I wrote to others seeking assistance. I need to find typists, and my goal is to have resources in place by Valentine’s Day.
My 7,838th Day In Federal Prison
January 24, 2009
Saturday, 24 January 2009
I woke this morning at 3:00 am in order to begin my writing. By the time I finished my first writing session I had reached page 192. Tomorrow I expect to conclude this writing project that I’ve been working on since last Thanksgiving. I’ll have plenty more to write, though I will feel a sense of accomplishment in completing this significant body of work
I continue to work hard on these writing projects because I am convinced the efforts will facilitate my transition into society. Every day that passes brings me closer to home. I do not expect that I will be in prison beyond 9,000 days, which means I have about 1,000 days remaining to serve. I intend to document how I served each of those days
I began my run at 7:30 this morning. The sky was cloudy and temperatures were much cooler than they were last week. I ran 10 miles, which brought my tally to 393 miles in 43 straight days of running.
Following my run, I began my afternoon session of writing. I received a series of questions regarding the PSI report from a law student. I wrote blogs to answer the first three questions. Several more questions remain, but writing in long hand takes much more time than typing.
In the afternoon I waited in line to see my case managers. I have an issue concerning good time that I want to resolve. I dispute the BOP calculation of my parole eligibility date, and in the beginning of 2010, I intend to begin efforts to resolve this matter. Judicial action may be necessary. Before then, I have a minor matter concerning lump-sum awards that I want to address. To move forward, I met with my case managers to inquire how much good time my sentence could absorb through a lump-sum award.
In the evening, I did more work on my independent project that I cannot write about. It is a project that will assist me upon release, but that in all I am prepared to say at the moment. I was in my rack by 7:10, and sleeping soundly by 7:30.
My 7,837th Day In Federal Prison
January 23, 2009
Friday, 23 January 2009
I went to bed an hour later than usual last night because I wanted to watch a television show about a man with whom I was once in prison. The decision was a mistake, as I lost an hour of sleep and didn’t get much value from watching the program.
Despite going to bed at eight last night, I had a lot to complete before my visit so I woke at 2:30 a.m. I wrote on my project until six, and completed through page 192. Then I put away my writing gear and walked out to the track. Since I was eagerly awaiting my visit with Carole, I only ran three miles. That brought my running tally to 383 miles in 42 days.
I returned to my housing unit to shower and prepare for the visit. Those hours of waiting before the visit strained me. I felt most like a prisoner then, as I paced the floor, watching out of windows, doing whatever I could to will my wife here sooner. The time between visits could feel like a slow crawl through the desert, and a kiss from my wife was the only possibility to reinvigorate me. If I were not expecting visits, I could power through prison without a second thought. But in waiting for Carole, I surrendered a sense of my strength, or my self-empowerment. Willingly, I placed my capacity for peace in her hands.
She was not scheduled to arrive until nine, and that was precisely when I heard the guard page me to the visiting room. Carole has been my link to the world since 2002, and I have grown dependent upon her to oversee all of my efforts to connect with society. As I approach my release, the level of work I’m producing is overwhelming Carole. She works full time as a nurse and continues studies toward a Bachelor’s degree in nursing. The demands of my work, especially in light of new rules that block my access to typewriters, have brought stress between us. We did not use our time together wisely today, and as a consequence, I know that we’ll both suffer through a difficult week ahead.
I have to make a change. I need to find another resource to help my with my web strategy. This work is becoming too much for Carole to manage, and yet I deem it crucial to my preparations for success upon release. I called Julie, my sister, and asked her to help Carole find me a new web designer who can modify my blog presentations. I must also find a typist. These changes are necessary, as by continuing to depend on Carole, I am putting too much pressure on her, and too much strain on our marriage.
This is prison. It is a constant adjustment. I am thankful that Carole has the patience to cope with my drive.
My 7,836th Day In Federal Prison
January 22, 2009
Thursday, 22 January 2009
I wrote this blog entry at 5:30 on Thursday morning. I had been awake since 2:30, and I began my work at 3:00. Later in the morning at 9:00, I was scheduled to meet with the other members of the prison outreach program. Our staff sponsor was supposed to drive us to Bakersfield for a speaking presentation to a group of junior high school students who had been adjudicated as delinquent. Since I had to finish my writing and exercise before the outing, I began my day early.
At 6:00 the door to my housing unit at Taft Camp would open. I intended to go run, as I was committed to sticking with my stated goal of running at least 50 miles each week. With three days of the week behind me I have recorded 30 miles; by running 10 miles today, I would boost my total to 40 miles. Besides that, I would have a total of 380 miles logged in the past 41 consecutive days.
The run would help me with another, more personal matter. The 21-plus years I’ve served in prison have conditioned me in ways that are not normal for 45-year old men. I get car sick. Even the thought of sitting in a car for a 50-minute drive to Bakersfield nauseates me. The run may quell my stomach, though I will travel with a plastic bag just in case I feel sick.
Later this afternoon I would write a report on the trip. But I wanted to dash this blog off now, as I don’t expect I’ll want to write much this evening. Perhaps a love letter to Carole, but nothing else.
It’s early in the evening on Thursday as I write this update to the blog I began writing early this morning. My trip to Bakersfield was uneventful. The run did help my stomach, as I did not feel car sick at all. I sat on a bench seat in the back of the van with six other prisoners, and the drive went well.
Soon after we arrived at the school, 75 people filled to auditorium where we spoke. The students seemed so young. After our presentations and skits, we had opportunities to speak individually with those in the audience. I spoke with a boy who was 14 who told me he was living with his girlfriend and she was pregnant. I spoke with a girl who, at 13, said she had been kicked out of five schools before for fighting. I spoke with a 15-year-old who said she had a drinking problem.
The students needed positive role models. Although we were only allowed to give them two hours of time, I hope the messages our group delivered helped the children understand the consequences that followed bad decisions. In my speech, I suggested the students look to our new President as a role model. Just as many of them were being reared in low-income hours by single parents, our nation’s new President was challenged by a difficult childhood. Through discipline he was able to educate himself and change his life. Now he was changing the world. Without exercising discipline and making better choices, my presentation suggested the students could find themselves in predicaments of long-term imprisonment, or worse.
I feel a sense of purpose whenever I’m allowed to speak to large audiences. I do a lot of speaking and teaching at Taft Camp, as I have in previous prisons where I was confined. The real fulfillment comes when I speak with groups outside of prison, and I look forward to building a career that will allow me opportunities to share what I have learned as a long-term prisoner upon release.
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